#you can not have any interaction with kevin and not discover something about yourself

[lucky-slice]

I'm obsessed with Kevin for far too many reasons to reasonably count, but also because he's like crack cocaine for any and all character interactions in aftg.

Like if you really wanna get down and dirty into a characters psyche, just throw them into a jar with Kevin Day and shake it up a bit.

[anonymouscatloaf]

👀 love answering stuff like this

1. How did you hear about the Dwampyverse or any piece of it, and when did you start considering yourself a "fan"?

I watched Phineas and Ferb at a friend's house as a kid (she had cable, my family did not). I probably called myself a fan back then? I discovered fanfiction when I was ~10 so I'm pretty sure I was reading PnF fanfic back on FFN.

2. Which show did you watch first? Which one(s) have you not seen? What do you like and dislike about the one(s) you have seen? What are you excited for and not excited for about the one(s) you have not seen/what positives and negatives have you heard?

Phineas and Ferb was the first I saw. I've seen all of them now, though. For PnF, I generally liked all of it. I wasn't the biggest fan of some of the AUs in s3, and I have mild gripes with the consistency of some character writing, but it's a formulaic kids show so, eh. I grew up with it, the humor is peak, the songs are peak, the designs are memorable, and overall I love it. You get into it thinking you're just gonna watch a silly little show about wacky kids who build wacky stuff, but as Dan himself has said, that's just the setting for the real plot--Candace's story and character arc. (On the flip side, Heinz has a parallel character arc with significantly higher stakes and more explosions--he and Candace are very similar, though everything about him is significantly more...extreme, you could say.) Perry and Heinz are my favorite characters, but I have to give a shout out to Vanessa and Candace for being my second favorites. For MML, I think S1 had massive potential to become a fun, character- and story-driven cartoon with PnF-esque humor and songs, and if they'd stuck with it, it probably would've outranked PnF for me. However. Dwampy threw all that out the window with S2 by tying the whole show too closely to PnF and bringing back fan-favorite PnF characters only for it to turn into one massive character assassination free-for-all. What the hell happened to Heinz giving up evil and realizing he doesn't need to have "ruler of the Tri-State-Area" level of attention from people who didn't care about him and he didn't care about, he just needs the people who love him and who he loves? We had the whole "sitting at the kitchen table sharing food like a family" scene in the last ep of PnF with him, Vanessa, Norm, and Perry. But Vanessa and Norm are barely in MML, and while Perry shows up more, he's wildly out of character at times too with how indifferent he seems towards the man who is ostensibly one of his best and closest friends. Not to mention the future of "Professor Time" doesn't mention Vanessa, Norm, or Perry at all? What the hell was up with that. Instead of dragging Heinz & Perry into this exhausting crossover nonsense, Dwampy should've explored Dakota/Cavendish and the time travel aspect far more, and fleshed that plot out with the time they ended up giving to PnF characters instead. Rant aside, I loved S1, at least. Dakota and Zack are my favorite characters. For H&G: it took a bit to get into because it felt significantly more kiddy than the other two shows, but I ended up having a lot of fun with the later episodes. It's cute and something I can watch with minimal brainpower, and it's much better than MML S2, that's for sure. I don't have that much to say about it, though. Hamster and Kevin are my favorite characters.

3. What is your impression of the fans themselves? How would you describe the fans you've interacted with/seen around the internet? What have you heard about them that contrasts with your personal experience, if anything? Describe an experience you shared with members of the Dwampyverse fandom that stuck out to you.

The fandom seems mostly nice. I don't know a lot of people here very well, but since the fandom is small, most people seem friendly and supportive. Fans in other places can be hit or miss (I've seen assholes in the subreddit comments hoping Dwampy don't make the revival "woke", for example) but I don't pay that much attention to them. An experience that stuck out to me...probably all the lovely comments I got on my fics? Was surprised that a decent handful of people read them, since I effectively dropped into the fandom out of nowhere, lol.

4. What experience do you have with the fandom thus far? What fandom-related events have you heard about? Name the first ones you can list off the top of your head. Have you participated in them, and how did that go? Do you have any fanartists or fanwriters that you really like in particular? Do you follow any YouTube channels related to the Dwampyverse? Do you write fanfiction, make fanart, post/lurk on social media, or a secret fourth thing?

I'm really mostly on the Perryshmirtz side of fandom soooo...lmao. I think I follow most if not all the shippers here (if not, then that's my bad, I should be following you) and I follow a bunch of fanartists. I saw Phintober was going on, but I'm not an artist so I didn't participate in that. I did Perryshmirtz Week 2023, though, which broke my several-years-long writing hiatus. It was fun! For non-Tumblr places...sometimes I check out the subreddit but it's. Kind of a cesspool sometimes. I followed MWCA but that's the only YouTube channel. And I guess Dan's channel. Fic writers I like are KissingLizard, Lexia Soliani (ringwinner), CongressIsAliens, kittyhazelnut, and revenblue. I also write fanfic myself, too :V (disclaimer: all Perryshmirtz though some are platonic. I do have a longer genfic WIP I've been working on for NaNoWriMo I wrote as a sequel to AT2D and that one Tales from the Resistance ep in s4, though :D 50k+ words and counting but in need of serious editing.) And I guess I've made exactly one (1) fanart lol

5. How do you feel about the PnF revival coming out next year?

Cautiously hopeful but keeping my expectations low-ish. Dwampy have already confirmed it's set in the next summer (which, first of all, poor kids having the longest school year ever there) so I'm a little wary, as I don't want Candace or Heinz to regress on their character development from the end of PnF, but I'm not sure how they'd go about their respective plots and stick to the formula of the original show otherwise. We'll see how they handle it when it actually drops.

Input needed

Hey, fellow Dwampyverse fans! I need some input for a silly little thing I'm working on. Please put your responses in my notes (replies, reblogs, etc. inbox/messages is also fine). I want to get answers from new fans, old fans, and everyone in between!

How did you hear about the Dwampyverse or any piece of it, and when did you start considering yourself a "fan"?

Which show did you watch first? Which one(s) have you not seen? What do you like and dislike about the one(s) you have seen? What are you excited for and not excited for about the one(s) you have not seen/what positives and negatives have you heard?

What is your impression of the fans themselves? How would you describe the fans you've interacted with/seen around the internet? What have you heard about them that contrasts with your personal experience, if anything? Describe an experience you shared with members of the Dwampyverse fandom that stuck out to you.

What experience do you have with the fandom thus far? What fandom-related events have you heard about? Name the first ones you can list off the top of your head. Have you participated in them, and how did that go? Do you have any fanartists or fanwriters that you really like in particular? Do you follow any YouTube channels related to the Dwampyverse? Do you write fanfiction, make fanart, post/lurk on social media, or a secret fourth thing?

How do you feel about the PnF revival coming out next year?

[collecting-stories]

Not in Chronological Order ch. 1 - All Your Exes

setting: Sunday mass on Staten Island // Carisi family home

summary: Reader and Sonny have been together for eight months but while they are at church with his family on Sunday, the reader gets jealous over an ex of Sonny's that comes over to chat him up.

A/N: Based on the concept of the album, the chapters in this series will be snapshots of the reader and Sonny's relationship not following chronological order. So, this first fic is eight months into their relationship. All of this is set during the period when he is transitioning into being a lawyer so in some of the chapters he is still at SVU and in others he's working for the DA.

<- Not in Chronological Order Masterlist | Love Is Weird ->

...divider by @saradika

Despite your surface attempt to follow Gina's conversation about Little League baseball, your focus was on your boyfriend (partner) of eight months and the woman currently dominating his attention. You would not, in any world, categorize yourself as jealous. You had no problem with Sonny's friendship with Amanda; you thought she was great and admired their close friendship. This woman though, this 'laughing at every other word' ex-whatever, had you two seconds away from losing your cool in the middle of St. Kevin's. 

You knew it shouldn't bother you. Sonny hadn't been in a serious relationship for a long time before you started dating, and even if he had, it hadn't been with this woman. She was just some casual one-time coffee date during a lunch hour set up by his mom who knew her mom. It was so unserious that her stopping him on the way out of the church to say hello shouldn't have mattered to you at all. But it did. 

She had clocked him the moment he walked into St. Kevin's, openly waving from a few pews up where she sat with her family. Sonny, sweet, well-mannered, polite, Sonny, raised his hand in greeting. You awkwardly looked away as if you didn't notice the interaction at all and distracted yourself with the stained glass stations of the cross. When mass came, she smiled Sonny's way as he walked up the aisle and now, while you lingered by the door with Gina, this one-date-ex was running through some story about Sonny's mom two Sundays ago when he had work and couldn't make the service. It was childish but all you wanted to do was glare this woman down until she crawled out of the church and never showed her face again. A little more than territorial but you couldn't help it. Being with Sonny felt like you had unlocked some great secret that the universe was trying to keep hidden and you didn't want anyone else to discover what absolute treasure you had in your possession (not that he belonged to you just that he had chosen to be yours and should there come a time when he chose not to be yours you would probably never recover). 

"-ya know how my ma can be," Sonny laughed, voice carrying over the short distance to where you still hovered with his sister. When you turned your face enough that neither Sonny nor the woman talking to him could see you roll your eyes you found Gina grinning ear to ear.

"What?" You whispered, frowning back. 

"You look like Matteo whenever I tell him he can't do something," she teased. 

"I do not," you only drew her point home when you crossed your arms under your chest and turned back to look at Sonny. Still talking. And the insufferable single-date was putting her hand on his arm while she laughed like the main character in a rom-com and you were starting to sound exactly like you used to in 8th grade when your entire personality had been 'pick me girl'. 

"Are you coming or what, Sonny?" Gina called, breaking the conversation that she knew her brother was too polite to get himself out of. "Dinner's at five. If we leave now we might make it." 

Sonny rolled his eyes at her prodding. The church was close enough to his childhood home that they could walk and it was hardly one in the afternoon. But he knew he'd been talking to long if the annoyed look on your face was anything to go on. Besides, he'd been trying to remove himself from the conversation for the last twenty minutes, unsuccessfully. 

Saying a quick goodbye, he walked over to join you and his sister, grabbing your hand when you offered it and squeezing gently. "You ready?" 

You hummed and nodded in reply. You were ready to be as far away from here as possible. As Sonny led you out of the church you fought the urge to turn and glare at the woman he'd been talking to. Or, maybe more accurately, to turn and stick your tongue out like the immature child you were being. 

The fact that you were being this childish and moody in front of his sister, at his family's parish, threatened to ruin your seething entirely. Maybe that was ironic in itself but four months ago, when he'd brought you to church here for the first time to meet his parents and do the whole 'Carisi Family Sunday' you had been mortified of anything less than your best behavior. Now you were imagining yourself going at it in the parking lot with some woman in Manolo Blahnik's like you were in elementary school. 

"-what about next weekend?" Gina was saying as you zoned back in, the Carisi family house coming into view up ahead. Sonny's sister had been trying to pin down a time to visit him lunch now that he was 'a hot-shot attorney' but their schedules never matched up. Well, she was unwilling to cancel pilates, her weekly spa treatments, or any dinner date with her current fiancé that might allow her a gap in her schedule and Sonny ate, slept, and breathed the DA's office lately. 

"We're free Saturday, right? You have off?" He asked, looking over at you as if you'd been part of the conversation the whole time and not spacing out.

"Yeah," you nodded, "but I mean, I don't have to come to lunch with you guys. You don't have to schedule around me-"

"Are you kidding? I'd much rather schedule him out!" Gina teased. 

You missed Sonny's retort as he laughed and suddenly you were thinking of dinner at Amanda's last week when he brought up an ex he had during his police academy training. In all honesty, you'd been driving yourself crazy since that dinner, thinking about ex-partners that got little glimpses into something that felt wholly intimate and yours. It was stupid to be this bothered and Sonny would probably say exactly that if he knew why you'd gone silent again but you couldn't help yourself. It was like being sucked into a spiral. 

How many other women had he brought him for dinners and church? How many other women had been in his apartment, on his couch, in his bed? How many other women had he cooked for? Bought coffee for? Talked about moving in with? 

Before you realized what was happening, you were walking up the sidewalk to the front door and being tugged back. There was Sonny, standing like a statue behind you, unmoving. You knew the expression on his face, it was the one he always got when he realized you were holding something in. "Hey, what's the matter?" His voice was soft and comforting and you thought again about how you'd managed to keep this man for eight months and if you got a million more it wouldn't be enough. 

"Nothing," you lied before you could stop yourself, adding an unconvincing, "I'm fine" at the end. 

"Nah, come on, I'm not going in the house with you until you tell me what's going on?" He replied.

"Sonny," you groaned but you knew he wasn't lying. Knew he would die out here on his parent's front walk before he let you go inside upset. Confrontation was not something you had grown up with. He had, though not in a healthy way, as he had told you more times than you could count. The Carisi's thought problem solving needed to involve yelling while your family had adopted the belief that if the problem wasn't voiced it didn't exist. You could let a problem marinate for years before it boiled over. Both of you had been trying to work through the inherited bad habits to find some middle ground where you confronted the problem but it wasn't a fight. Sonny was better at it than you were.

"Come on, it's just us."

You sighed; you could do this. You could voice this. "I was just, annoyed, with that girl...woman that came over to talk to you." Girl wasn't the right term and making her seem younger by calling her that only added to your childish behavior. 

"Angie?" 

You rolled your eyes at the sound of her name and Sonny tried not to smile. He failed, of course, but he tried. "I told ya, we went on like one date...didn't amount ta anything. It's not something to be jealous about."

"I'm not jealous," you stressed. Murderous, maybe. And yeah, very jealous. 

"Ya seem a little bent outta shape over it," he pointed out, as if prodding the issue would help you feel better. 

"It's not just her. I was upset when we were at Amanda's and you mentioned that ex-girlfriend who made good cheesecake and then that neighbor that you said looks like your ex from high school-"

"You've been upset since Amanda's?" He asked, a little less surprised than you would've wanted. 

"I just don't like when you talk about your exes. And rational me totally gets that Angie is probably a nice woman but irrational me, who is, yes, a little jealous, just kind of...spiraled." 

"They're exes though, means I'm not interested in 'em anymore."

"Thanks for explaining that concept to me Dominick," you bit out before you could reel yourself in. Sonny only smiled. 

"I'm sorry that it bothered you, I didn't realize you were upset," Sonny finally said. He placed his hands on your upper arms, fingers brushing up under the short sleeves of your top, "I mean, I knew you were upset about something but I didn't realize I caused it."

"No it wasn't you, it's just a me thing. I don't know...I've never like...I've never been with someone I cared about this much. That like, just knowing how incredible you are and I don't wanna sound crazy or something but like, if it wasn't me anymore...if you weren't interested in me, if you didn't see this going somewhere, I just think-"

"Hey," Sonny drew your eyes back to meet his, leaning in and placing a kiss on your forehead before properly kissing you on the lips. When you tasted salt against your mouth you realized you'd made yourself cry. "I've got no plans to go anywhere. I'm not interested in anyone but you, ever, for the rest of my life."

"That is a very serious claim Dominick."

He smiled as if implying a lifetime commitment was the easiest thing he'd ever done, "I love you, ya know that right?" He asked. 

"You're the love of my life," you smiled as his cheeks tinged pink. 

The front door of his parents' house clattered open, the screen creaking, and his mom's voice called out for the two of you to get inside out of the cold. She looked like she was calling misbehaving children in for supper and Sonny bowed his head the same way you were sure he probably had as a kid when he heard that voice shouting for him. 

"Come on," you tugged on his hand, dragging him toward the house. When you looked back over your shoulder at him though, he still had that same loved-up look in his eyes that he always got, as if he couldn't believe you returned his feelings. 

[charnamefic]

Kevin Can F*** Himself and The Sitcom

I am fascinated by this canon's universe, by the implications of living in a sitcom reality where there’s a non-sitcom reality when the sitcom isn’t running.

I’m taking as a given that Kevin Can F*ck Himself takes place in what truly is a sitcom-universe. I know some people consider the sitcom-style parts of the show to be Allison’s way of thinking about her life while she really lives in a more mundane universe, but frankly that’s not a theory that interests me. I have no beef with those who believe it, but I find Kevin Can F*ck Himself to be a much richer viewing experience personally if read as the off-screen adventures of an actual sitcom wife, and that’s the only reading I’m going to get invested in and theorize about.

At the beginning of the first episode I thought Allison was, on some level, aware that she was a TV character – I thought that her fantasies about living the 50's housewife advertising dream were the expression of a desire for a genre shift (that could never come) – but by the end of the episode I’d concluded that she doesn't know. I don’t think any of the characters know that they’re sitcom characters, and, as an extension of that, I don’t think any of them are aware that there are differences between the on-screen and off-screen existences they live. So what does it mean to be that one-dimensional, sitcom type of character and live under that universe’s rules for parts of your life, and transition into a rounded-out person with an active inner life at other times? What does it mean when you can’t comprehend that transition, and when the more rounded version of yourself has to tackle with who you are and what happens to you in that sitcom reality? What power of self do you have, both to be a person in your own right and to act as one free of the constraints of what the rules of a sitcom universe would demand?

What are the rules of the Kevin Can F*ck Himself universe as a sitcom?

Here's what we have to work with:

The universe is a status quo is god universe. Kevin and Allison can never move away, never not be Neil’s neighbours. We as viewers of Kevin Can F*ck Himself see what that means for the characters, how painful that stagnation is to Allison and the horrible things that have led to that consequence, but Kevin Can F*ck Himself takes place off-screen of the sitcom – on-screen, that’s just typical status-quo maintenance. Kevin and Allison can’t keep a pet, can’t add new characters to the cast or kick off old ones; at the end of the episode, nothing will have happened that will keep the sitcom from being something you can tune-in to irregularly without missing a plot-important episode.

The sitcom caters to the man-child id. Kevin can be rude and outright cruel to his wife, and he’ll never have to worry about her responding in equal kind. Kevin can accuse and humiliate and banish his best female friend, and she’ll come crawling back for re-entry into the gang, feeding him and making up for her failure to prioritize him. Kevin can fight with his best male friend, and the girls will sort it out without Kevin or Neil’s egos having to take a serious blow; it’s just a special episode where Kevin learns to express appreciation for his sidekick (at least until next episode). Kevin may be an everyman, but he will never be outshone.

The sitcom universe is simple and insular. “It seemed harmless.” It is harmless. All pain can be brushed off, all suffering passes quickly. Kevin can promise a bunch of people money he doesn’t have and trap them in his basement and not need to fear any lawsuits. Kevin can set his neighbour’s lawn on fire, and that’s fine, it really is. He can get a mailwoman deported, and once the episode’s over it’s no-one’s problem and it doesn’t indicate anything about what kind of person someone who would do that is or what values they hold. Kevin can get his wife fired, and she can’t nurse a grudge over that, can’t mention it again or have it shape their future interactions; it’s one and done. Dreams can be dashed, and by the next scene break it’s back to basics not simply because the status quo is god but because when your hopes die you get up and move on and keep acting like the paint-by-numbers character tropes you embody. The people are no more complicated than the actions. The caretaking wife can’t be truly hurt by the daily derogation she suffers from everyone who interacts with her. The next-door neighbour can’t have a fulfilling life outside of Kevin’s orbit, he can’t even complete fairly simple tasks without a leader to follow. Kevin’s dad can’t be anyone outside of being Kevin’s dad. The girl in the group cannot show an inner life or opinions or desires that conflict with her designated role. What you see is what you get, and there’s nothing you have to consider under the surface.

Kevin Can F*ck Himself has shown us that these rules only hold true on-screen in the sitcom; once the sitcom cameras aren’t on the characters anymore, the entire world shifts into something different. If we consider the on-sitcom-screen and off-sitcom-screen worlds to be like two intersecting realities, I think we have to assume that the sitcom reality is the dominant one. Events happen in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality that are necessarily related to the sitcom reality (Allison reacting to how she’s treated when off-screen; Allison and Patty discussing events that have happened on-screen while off-screen) whereas the events in the sitcom reality occur regardless of the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality (Allison’s damaged clothes and injuries that occur off-screen aren’t noticeable on-screen; when Kevin confronts Allison and Patty, that confrontation makes sense in the sitcom universe even without the context given in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality). If the sitcom reality is the dominant reality, that necessitates that the Kevin Can F*ck Himself reality is still influenced by the rules of the sitcom reality even when the cameras are off – if the influence can only have significant consequences in one direction, then the universe that can’t significantly influence the other can’t have anything happen in it that would have to have a notable impact on the other.

To put this to a concrete example, the marriage Allison has on-screen can affect her contentment with her life off-screen and make her want to have an affair off-screen, but – given the premise expressed above – her off-screen affair can’t unduly affect her on-screen marriage. It can’t influence her think she might be able to find a safe way to get a divorce because that would affect the status quo of the sitcom. It can’t be reflected in her on-screen interactions with Kevin because that would complicate their marriage in a manner the sitcom universe can’t bear.  

I don’t think Allison’s affair with Sam can come out on-screen in the sitcom. The sitcom everyman’s wife cheating on him isn’t what the target demographic wants. The dream of the hot wife who’ll let you get away with anything, who puts out and cleans up and cooks and boosts and takes her lumps with a smile and stands by you no matter how many times things don’t go as desired – yes! The culturally ingrained fear that your woman is cuckolding you, that you’re inadequate instead of all that she wants and needs, that you’re a fool and didn’t actually land that dream catch – no, absolutely not! It breaks the rule of catering to the man-child id, it breaks the rules of simplicity, and it breaks the rule of status quo. I think Allison will face problems with the affair – we know she will in some way from the ep 6 preview – but I suspect the issues surrounding it will be more along the lines of getting to know Jenn and discovering that she’s actually awkward but sincere and the “who really gets the hot guy” competition is way less fun when you empathize with the opposition, or having to face that the reasons she and Sam didn’t end up together back when they were teens still apply and that doing this with him now won’t make her happy. Whatever happens, I don’t think Allison’s marriage will be affected in a way that will show up in the sitcom at all. So there’s a front on which Allison’s behaviour is safe �� the affair can never come out in a way Kevin and the sitcom viewers will believe in it, so she will never have to face consequences along the lines of suffering a broken-marriage for which everyone considers her at fault because she committed adultery – and a way in which it’s not – Allison basically said that she knew it was a shitty thing to do but she had fun enabling Sam in cheating on his girlfriend back in high school because she didn’t know the other girl and didn’t really think about her, but now that the relationships those involved are in are even more serious and the other woman is an actual acquaintance there’s no way that this won’t at least lead to drama guaranteed to have a significant influence and consequences in her off-sitcom-screen life. My point with this is that (if my theory is correct) Kevin Can F*ck Himself will show consequences, but Kevin’s sitcom can’t, and that inherently affects the dangers Allison faces for her behaviour and what can come of it in both worlds.  

Leading off from that, we have the whole dealing drugs and assaulting a trucker thing. Necessarily, none of what we’re seeing in Kevin Can F*ck Himself about that can be reflected in the sitcom. We can have the dramatic irony of Kevin confronting Allison the night she started having an affair, we can watch Kevin confront her and Patty over the horrible acts they committed off-screen, but due to the nature of the universe, that cannot be anything but dramatic irony which sitcom viewers wouldn’t be able to pick up on. Simply put, Patty can’t be sent off to jail for dealing because she’s a regular. Allison will never be convicted for what they did to that trucker – even though you’d expect her to be in serious trouble given that surely there would have been security cameras all over any gas station – because that cannot flow back to the sitcom reality in any recognizable way.

Can the sitcom wife spend more than one episode under on-screen police scrutiny? There could probably be a plotline where she spends a night in jail, but according to sitcom logic that has to be sorted out before the episode is over. There has to be some sort of misunderstanding revealed, some piece of evidence come to light that exonerates her. She has to get back to her husband and the dirty laundry and the meals she needs to make. This is why I think it’s not possible that Allison and Patty mugging that guy for his oxy can come back to bite them in a way that would be reflected on-screen in the sitcom. The sitcom wife doesn’t beat people up for their drugs, not like that at least. The rules of a sitcom will not allow it.

The rules of a sitcom also don’t allow the star to die. I fully believe that Patty was right; if Allison had filled that burger with drugs, Kevin would have been back up and running by the next scene. So, given that truly bad things can’t happen to Kevin, and given that things can’t significantly change, what can Allison’s plans be building toward? Literally, is it possible for Kevin to end his life in jail for drug-related crimes? If the premise I’ve laid out above is correct, then no. Is it possible for Kevin to die in allegedly drug-related gang violence? No. It’s more likely that Marcus talks a big game, but is actually a small enough fish he could be taken out of the equation by Patty telling his aunt he was bothering her. I don’t think anything Allison and Patty can do in the Kevin Can F*ck Himself universe to get Kevin done for drug-related crimes can lead to anything more than a Very Special Episode about drugs on the sitcom.

So what does that mean for the show? I have no idea, and I’m really interested in finding out.

Can the rules of the universe be changed? Allison broke a glass on-screen, in a way which probably wouldn’t have been written into a sitcom, so maybe. But that didn’t really break any of the proposed rules of the universe, so maybe not.

And what happens if Allison succeeds? Characters in a sitcom have backstories, but can they have futures after the show is cancelled?

I’ve heard from a lot of people that they don’t enjoy the sitcom scenes, but (for the most part) I think those are depicted to establish and convey something important. I might be completely off-base with my analysis of how realities are portrayed in the show and what we can glean from that, but even without that I think we’ve been offered a compelling deconstruction of on-screen sitcom hijinks.  

Also, I just really love how they’ve worked within the boundaries of the intersection of sitcom and non-sitcom presentation. How can the “just getting by” family afford all the fun things that make the sitcom life aspirational without making the characters too well-off for the everyman to see himself and his own struggles in them? Simple – drain those off-screen savings. It’s perfect. It’s so beautifully indicative of Kevin Can F*ck Himself’s premise.

Any way you look at it and whatever theories you prefer, the world presented in Kevin Can F*ck Himself offers up a lot of interesting possibilities and I can’t wait to see them explored.

[huntertales]

Part One: Two Heads Are Better Than One. (Heaven Can’t Wait S09E06)

Episode Summary: When Dean gets a call from Castiel about a possible case dealing with spontaneous human combustion, the older Winchester decides to investigate--on his own. The reader decides to tag along. She doesn’t take no for an answer when Dean shares his odd hesitations on letting her work on a hunt with Castiel.  Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 4,518.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

“What am I exactly supposed to be looking at, again?” 

You tilted your head to the side and stared at the sheets of paper Kevin handed over to you to read over. He called you and the boys into the library this morning after claiming he had a breakthrough worth sharing. The kid had been working on translating the tablet for days now with almost no breaks at all. He was overly eager with what he claimed was some kind of monumental breakthrough. It was the first update he had in weeks. All of his supposed hard work came in the stack of papers you flipped through to discover it was nothing you were expecting. Pages upon pages filled with what you guessed were doodles and illegible chicken scratch Kevin called his handwriting. This was the progress he had to offer. It made much sense to all of you as the words etched into the stone.

You managed to read a few of Kevin’s notes that offered no clarity to the next step in his work, causing you to worry he didn’t make any real progress at all The boys weren’t happy either at the small ounce of hope Kevin had instilled you with his news. You flipped through all the notes to see if there might have been something useful, but it was all the same. Nonsense. You raised your brow in curiosity as to how this was supposed to help all of you. The demon tablet took months to translate just the trials, unfortunately you didn't have that luxury of time. You needed to undo what Metatron did quickly as possible.

"That's your 'big news',” Sam sounded the least bit enthusiastic at the promise turned into a let down at seeing the prophet's notes that were most likely going to turn out to be useless. “is that you translated the tablet into doodles?"

"It's cuneiform." Kevin tried to explain the long and tedious process of how he managed to get to this point. "I hit a wall translating the tablet into english. But I found an ancient codex linking the angel script to proto-elamite cuneiform, and I was able to translate the tablet and the footnotes into elamite, which is—"

“Doodles.” Dean finished the younger man’s sentence. 

“It’s extinct.” Kevin added.

“Well,” You let out a quiet sigh of annoyance from his news that all sounded to be turning out the same way. Bad and pointless to even still be talking about this. You glanced back to the doodles in some kind of attempt to make sense of it. You had an ear for languages. But even you found yourself drawing a blank for what the hell this could even mean. “Can you read it?”

“No one can.” He said. “Scholars have tried for centuries.” 

“So it’s a dead end?” You took a wild guess at what this meant for you. You threw the papers to the table in defeat at the continuous walls you kept hitting. It felt with each turn you took to try and get yourself out of this angel mess only turned out the same, time spent wasted and no progress to show for your effort. Kevin wasn’t defeated as you were. He thought there might be a way to keep going with this angle.

“Not quite.” Kevin said. You crossed your arms over your chest to hear what the kid had to say, hoping this conversation turned out to be worth your while. "Now, most proto-elamite is abstract, but I was able to decipher one phrase from Metatron's footnotes. 'Falling angels.'"

You and the boys exchanged a glance to one another at the set of keywords that had started this entire mess in the first place. Maybe you had been looking at this the wrong way. You thought the answer to your problems would be hidden somewhere in the tablet. Words God spoke himself might not have held the information you needed. You wondered if it was hidden somewhere between the lines. Somewhere most would simply ignore.

"Okay, so, the footnotes to Metatron's spell?" Sam asked, wondering if that’s what Kevin figured.

The kid merely shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe.” 

You let out a quiet sigh from the little information you had to go on. Sam wasn't about to give up just yet. He decided to take the only lead you had going for all of you. The Men of Letters had enough resources to help. "Well, maybe if we can decipher the footnotes, then we can reverse the spell..." Sam thought out loud a possible plan all of you could follow. He made his way to one of the shelves, pulling out some hardcover books for you to read.

“Punt those winged dicks back to heaven.” Dean said. He slapped his hand against the table in agreement with his brother’s genius idea. Little did he realize what was in store for him. “Where do we start?”

"Research." Sam said, saying his older brother's least favorite word when it came to hunts and solving supernatural problems. He tossed one of the bound books to the table, landing with a rather heavy thud. Dean’s expression of hopefulness slowly fell when he realized there was no getting out of this. "We comb through the library, see if we can find anything else on elamite." 

The older Winchester grabbed the book up from the table and read the title out loud. His excitement for the tedious research ahead darkened at the struggle ahead. “Zimmerman's Encyclopedia of Extinct Languages Volume One: Adai to Atakapa.” He frowned. “How many volumes are there?”

“Twenty-four.” You said. You smiled in delight at the sight of his drooping jaw and the failure for any words to come out. You placed a hand under the table and lightly patted his thigh in reassurance. “Don’t worry, babe. We have all of them.”

“Awesome.” Dean muttered. You were going to be no help for him to try and sneak his way out of this one. His brother only scoffed and turned his attention back down at his book when Dean subtly pleaded to have some mercy thrown his way. However it seemed there was someone looking out for him. Dean was saved from a tedious afternoon filled with research when his phone went off. “There is a God.” 

You rolled your eyes in slight annoyance at how joyous he sounded at being able to slip out from the responsibility of research. You returned your attention back to the first page of the encyclopedia as Dean tended to the phone call. He wasn’t sure who was trying to get in contact with him. It was always a guessing game when a random number flashed across his screen. Dean answered the call after the second ring and was greeted by a familiar voice he hadn’t heard in weeks, not since the awkward departure that sent Cas back on the road alone. The older Winchester wondered if the guy was calling up to reassure him that everything was okay on his end. Or he was in some kind of trouble.

"I may have a case for you. Four missing in Rexford, Idaho. Presumed dead, but no bodies have been released to loved ones." Turned out it was neither of them. To say it was a surprise upon hearing Cas' voice on the other end discussing a possible hunt was a shocker. Dean jumped up from his seat as the man went on without giving even a simple greeting. "And there were reports of a strange substance at the scenes."

"Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas." Dean whispered to the man over the phone, making sure to keep his voice low enough not to disturb everyone who had been working diligently. He knew the moment you heard Cas' name drop into the conversation you would be all over him in trying to ask questions about the whereabouts of the man and how he was doing. So far you had your nose buried in the book and engrossed with whatever you were reading about to care about who he was talking to. “How are you?”

“I...am busy.” Cas answered. 

“All right.” Dean mumbled. He wasn’t sure what to expect from the guy. Cas’ people skills were never the sharpest, despite him being down here on earth for a handful of years and interacting with people. Trying to have a simple conversation with him always ended up with words lost in translation. Dean decided not to try and make small talk and go straight to the reason why Cas called in the first place. “So, how do you want to do this? You want to meet up at the latest scene? You want me to pick you up? What?” 

Dean heard something that sounded to be liquid splashing over the other line, making him momentarily confused as to what the hell Cas was up to. "Um. I've got my hands full. I just—um..." Cas was quickly learning that he wasn't able to multitask. "...thought you would want to know about the case."

"Hey, are you sure everything's—" Dean tried to be a good friend and ask the man about his transition to normal life, but he wasn't able to finish his question when he was cut off by a dial tone. He rolled his eyes and ended the call. “Okay.”

You and the boys were no strangers to taking on a case with little to nothing to go on. From what Dean heard, this seemed like something all of you might be interested looking into. It might turn out to be nothing in the end. Or it could very well be a monster. All Dean knew for sure he couldn't ignore it without at least checking it out by himself. He forgot the last time he was able to go on a hunt by himself. But he didn’t see the need for you and Sam to tag along when there was so much reading to be done. He wasn’t sure if it was even a case after all. Whatever it did end up turning out to be, Dean was going to run with it. It wasn’t everyday he got a perfect excuse to get himself out of doing research. Before Dean went on his way to Idaho, he knew all of this was going to raise a few questions. 

“So, he said nothing about where he is or what he’s been doing?” 

Sam was rightfully confused at the shift in plans after Dean silently excused himself from research only to come back with an overnight bag all packed up and the strap hanging off his shoulder. The younger Winchester was given a brief summary of the conversation Dean had with Cas and nothing much else to go on. He was more caught up with the fact that Cas had given no proper details about his whereabouts and wellbeing. Only about some bogus case Sam personally felt would be better suited in another hunter’s hands. 

“In case you forgot, he’s not exactly Chatty Cathy.” Dean said, walking a few steps up the staircase before stopping to face his brother. 

“And you’re not even gonna see him when you’re in Idaho?” Sam kept on with the questions to try and understand the man’s eagerness to go through with the trip. 

“Well, like I said,” Dean repeated the same excuse he gave you when you found him packing up a bag after you noticed his disappearance from the library. “as long as he’s catnip for angels, he’s keeping his distance.” 

“So, then what’s the point, Dean?” Sam called out to his brother as he continued to the top of the staircase and towards the front entrance. “I mean, it’s barely even a case.” 

“That’s why I’m just gonna go have a little look-see, and we’re not gonna waste a whole lot of manpower on a big pile of nada.” Dean explained to the two men from top the balcony overlooking the lower part of the bunker. If there was one thing Dean was good at, it was always sneaking his way out of wasting a day on reading some dusty old book. 

“In other words, a perfect excuse to bail out on research.” Kevin said, calling out the man on his behavior. 

“You got me.” Dean felt the need to sarcastically reply.

Sam and Kevin were left to tend back to the tedious amount of research that was waiting for them back in the library. All though they were short a pair of eyes, not all hope was lost just yet. They thought there was still one more person who could help keep the reading somewhat manageable. Or so they thought.  

Dean was the first one to notice you had decided yourself that you weren't going to be part taking in research either. He found himself slowing his walking pace when he discovered your lower half sticking out from the backseat of the Impala. While it was always a lovely sight he enjoyed on almost every occasion, this one made a groan of frustration build up in the back of his throat. He should've known you were going to weasel your way into his plans of taking this hunt. You always did. You got yourself out and into a standing position, one hand rested on the car door and the other on your hip. The smile on your lips made him wonder if even holding a conversation as to how you managed to beat him out here was even worth it. 

"You honestly thought you were going to leave without me?" You asked him. Dean tried to open his mouth to give you an answer, you cut him off before he could even breathe. "No way. When's the last time you took a hunt by yourself?"

Dean's face scrunched up at your question, "You don't think I can handle one on my own?"

"I didn't say that. Who says you’re the only one who wants to skip out on research? I really didn't want to spend my time reading eight books on a dead language that might help us translate that stupid tablet." You admitted to him. "Besides, we haven't had any alone time in forever. We can make it a little getaway from Sammy and Kevin."

"I thought you didn't like mixing our dating life with hunts." Dean said. You smiled at the little rule you implemented years ago when you both started going out to make a balance. You walked closer to him so you could wrap your arms around his neck to be near. You looked off into the distance and pretended to think for a second.

“If it is even a case. Might be just something for the cops." You said. “And even if it turns out to be one, we can always add a few more extra days. Tell Sam it's going longer than expected."

Dean pretended himself to think about the plan you hatched up. It didn't take much thought to agree with what you had in mind. He didn't see the harm in letting you tag along, it wasn't like he was going to be around Cas to worry about any winged dicks to make things more complicated. He answered your proposal by leaning down for a kiss before hitting the road. He felt your lips stretch into a smile against his own when he agreed. The man knew deep down you would have come along no matter what he said. This way if trouble got in the way he would be able to keep an eye on you. 

+ + +

By the next morning you and Dean made it to Idaho with your first stop at the most recent crime scene that was still swarmed with police. You managed to blend in with the uniformed officers from the federal clothes you changed into before making your way here. The both of you flashed a pair of smiles and fake badges at the officer in charge in exchange for some information. While Dean chatted up the sheriff, you took the chance to snoop around the property of the most recent victim. 

It wasn't hard to see his living conditions weren't the best. The rundown house he called a home was in desperate need of repairs, not to mention the grass littered with junk from broken down cars to objects rusting from the elements. Despite the neglect to make the place appear tighty, there wasn’t much anything out of the ordinary from what you could tell. All except for for the strange coating on the front windows that overlooked the property. The bubblegum pink clashed with the clutter and ramshackle home. It felt out of place. 

“So, four missing?” You asked the sheriff, making sure to watch your step on the wet grass as you approached the police tape securing off the perimeter. 

"Four dead." The sheriff corrected you. "Just got confirmation." 

“And any common threads you can think of?” Dean wondered. 

You bent over the tape and into the crime scene so you could examine the surroundings a bit better. So far what you could tell was the amount of useless junk lying around the lawn that had been neglected from good mowing for a while. Overgrown grass and weeds helped blend in the things he had kept lying around. It was an eyesore for this neighborhood. 

"Well, Joe in there had the suicide hotline on speed dial. The gal before him was a shut-in. Head enough antidepressants in her medicine cabinet to stock a pharmacy." The sheriff gave you a quick rundown. You crossed your arms over your chest and listened to the theory he had, thinking it might help you in the long run later. “The first victims—a married couple out of Sugar City. Pretty much a walking billboard for no-fault divorce.”

“Were they all basket cases?” You asked. 

“If you asked me to make a list of this county’s saddest sacks, these four would’ve been right on top.” The sheriff said, giving her own personal opinion. 

“All right, so four unhappy people, one of them definitely suicidal.” You summarized all of the information you knew so far at the moment. You passed a quick glance over at Dean when you gave a small shrug from what you had. It wasn't much, but you had a feeling there was more to the story. "But you've ruled out suicide, right?"

The sheriff grabbed a few pairs of what appeared to be rubber gloves from another officer and handed them over to you. You furrowed your brows slightly in confusion when you realized there were also protective booties for your shoes to help from tracking in any dirt into the crime scene. "You're gonna want to put these on." 

You and Dean complied with the request and slipped on the protective equipment before entering the home. The sheriff was the first one inside, opening up the door to possibly one of the strangest crime scenes you had seen in a while. You quickly got an answer to why the windows were tinted bubblegum pink, because the entire place was coated in it. You didn’t know what the hell happened that caused the place to make it seem like a can of paint exploded in here. You highly doubt Joe thought some color in his life would help with his depression. 

You made sure to watch your step as you entered the home after Dean followed the sheriff, taken back by the strange sight himself. You spotted a forensic investigator crouched down on the ground taking a swab of the pink substance. Right away you noticed a foul smell that caused you to press your wrist against your nose in some kind of attempt to help muffle the odor. It reeked of decomposition, a smell you were unfortunately quite familiar with. 

“This look like suicide to you?” The sheriff's question caused you to rethink your theory. You glanced around the place to try and figure out what the substance was. If the police hadn't identified it yet, you wondered if something supernatural might be to blame for this after all. This was starting to feel more like a case after all. Dean took a wild guess when he asked if the substance was blood. “If the tests come back the same as the others, it’s the same as everything. Blood, skin, hair, nails, internal organs, even clothing fibers—like these poor souls got a run through the world’s finest wood-chipper.” 

“What about witnesses?” You asked. 

“Same as the rest. Neighbors reported some kind of pink flash. By the time we got here, all that was left was…” The sheriff took a sweep of the room and the remains of Joe, something he couldn’t quite explain. “this.” 

You and Dean shared a similar expression with one another at what you were learning. The deaths were odd enough for you to keep digging more into what might be the cause of this. People just don't naturally explode without a proper reason why. It seemed Cas found you a legitimate case. What you wondered next was if he was willing to lend in a helping hand. 

+ + +

After checking the crime scene and going through the usual suspects, you and Dean were left back at square one to who or what might be to blame for these deaths around town. The both of you decided to find a motel for the remainder of your stay and switch out of your fed clothes for more comfortable ones. You had a tedious amount of research and what you needed the most was a caffeine pick me up for the long night ahead of you. 

You decided to make a quick call to Sam to see how his own progress was going with the amount of reading he and Kevin were forced to do on their own after you abandoned them. You felt a little guilty for leaving them high and dry, but it seemed like they were functioning just fine on their own. And it seemed your suspicions had turned out to be right when Sam gave you an update on their progress.

 "Yeah, we're almost through the texts over here." Sam said. “We got nothing.” 

“Have you tried Professor Morrison?” Dean suggested.

“Yeah, he’s unreachable. He took a sabbatical to live amongst the trobrianders of Papua New Guinea.” Sam explained yet another useless dead end. You furrowed your brow slightly when you overheard what the professor had been doing in his free time. “Needless to say, we’re pretty burnt out.” 

“Well, there’s one guy there who is nothing if not well-rested.” You felt the need to remind the younger man of the extra housemate who had been rotting in your dungeon. Sam scoffed at the thought of Crowley helping out. "I'm just saying. We're not keeping him chained up for the one-liners."

“It’s worth a shot, I gess.” Sam said. 

"Just be careful, all right?" Dean warned his little brother. "Don't fall for any of his 'quid pro quo' crap." 

“Noted. So, what about you guys?” Sam asked, curious as to how progress was going with the hunt you decided to take. “How’s Cas’ lead panning out?”

“Four victims suddenly exploded. We tried EMF. We looked for hex bags, sulfur—nothing.” You ran down the list of the things you had searched for back at the crime scene only to come up empty with no possible leads of where to go next. 

“Spontaneous combustion?” Sam took a wild guess. “Maybe the Thule?”

“No, no, no. We already ruled them out.” Dean said. “The bodies were vaporized. They weren’t burned.” 

“That sounds like a real case.” Sam was starting to sound worried from how things were starting to shift into something more serious. "Guys, I should be there."

“No, Sammy. That’s not necessary. I’ve got this under control.” You reassured the younger man. "I'll make sure Dean doesn't get into too much trouble. And bug Crowley, see if he knows anything. We'll call you if we hit a dead end." 

When Dean said he was going out for a quick stop, you happily tagged along. It seemed Dean had been doing his own research as well. You found yourself making an extra stop after getting some coffee to discover he wanted to check up on Cas to make sure he was doing all right. He tracked the man’s call to a local gas station. 

You ended the call shortly after exchanging a quick goodbye with Sam, letting him see if the king of hell might be of use for once. You slipped your phone into your pocket for safekeeping before setting your sights on the reason why Dean wanted to head out besides for coffee. He had been doing his own research while you were getting settled into your motel. It was to track down Cas after their shared phone call the day before. You were happy to know the guy was doing all right. But confused as to as to why he was working the register of the local gas-in-sip. 

This entire situation with Cas and his departure from the bunker was strange that left you bothered. Dean held the same excuse when you asked him days after Cas decided to hit the road again. The man had a target on his back with his fellow brothers and sisters. He thought the bunker wouldn't be safe enough to keep you all from the danger. While you were happy to see that Cas was safe and out of harm's way at the moment, you still didn't understand why. Someone was eventually going to find him trying to blend in with the rest of humanity. 

"I don't know if I should laugh or cry." You mumbled under your breath.

"It's kind of funny, if you ask me." Dean said. 

“Of course you would.” You said, rolling your eyes. “I still don’t get why he ditched us.” 

Dean shrugged his shoulders at the answers he couldn’t give to you. He took a sip of his coffee and watched as his friend waited on another customer like he’d been doing this for years. “I’m surprised there’s no one complaining.”

You furrowed your brow in confusion at what you overheard the man mutter into the paper cup. “What?”

"Nothing." Dean replied a little too quickly. He noticed there wasn't an angel taking control and popping out to warn him about letting you go near Cas. So far it was just you staring at him, curious as to what he was hinting around. "Let's go. I wanna play the lotto. Suddenly I'm feeling lucky."

You knew it was Dean's flimsy excuse to go inside the gas-in-sip and ambush your friend at work. You finished the last of your coffee and properly disposed of it in the nearby trash can before following behind the man into the store. You had a few questions you wanted to ask Cas. You weren’t going to leave him alone until he answered them. And to make sure he was truly safe on his own. 

[Next Part]

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[scanlonblogs]

Five Ways to Boost Self-Confidence

     Self-confidence is the key to success, because those who believe in themselves are more likely to succeed.  Unfortunately, many people struggle in having self-confidence for various reasons.  Some give into the negatives of the world while others simply do not believe in themselves.  This mindset will do nothing but cause sadness, anger, and hopelessness.  The best way to gain self-confidence is through practice and determination.  Thankfully, there are a multitude of ways a person can do so if they are ready to take the first step.  Here are five ways to boost self-confidence.

1. Remember You Are Unique

     Humans share qualities, mannerisms, and lifestyle choices, but are all unique.  Everyone has their own traits and quirks which make them stand out.  People often forget this, believing they are but a face in the crowd.  This way of thinking can make a person feel average or unimportant.  However, what is important to remember is we all have something to bring to the table.  We have the ability to use our individuality to our advantage, not only by shaping our own futures, but the futures of others.  So, remind yourself of what makes you a unique individual, and be proud of what you discover.  Being accepting of who you are is the first step to boosting self-confidence.

2. Positive Thinking

     Think positively as much as possible, for it is what will aid you in achieving success.  People who are negative seldom believe in themselves and their abilities.  Their mindset has been warped to believe they are not good enough to achieve success.  So, instead of trying to achieve their goals, they sulk, complain, and pity themselves.  These are not the behavioral traits of a confident person.  Positivity, however, is one such mindset which brings about the possibility of success.  People with positive mindsets maintain optimism, believe in themselves, and have higher self-confidence levels than the average person.  Rather than succumbing to the negatives surrounding them, they see opportunity, happiness, and hope.  The good news is anyone can alter their mindset to be more positive.  The only obstacle blocking the way is ourselves.  We have to be open to changing the way we think in order to become a positive thinker.  When that has been accomplished, we have to continuously practice being positive.  The more we practice, the less the negatives of the world will affect us.  There will be a drastic change in the way you view the world as well as yourself once you make this change.

3. Embrace Change and Experience Life

     Change is everlasting, and the sooner we accept this truth, the easier it will be to experience life and obtain self-confidence.  Many people do not have confidence in themselves, because they are afraid of change.  Rather than take a risk, they accept defeat without trying.  By doing so, they close themselves off to new experiences, which not only stunts our growth as a person, but limits how much self-confidence we have in ourselves.  We need to embrace change, take risks, and experience as much as possible.  By doing so, we create this mindset where we are not afraid of leaving our comfort zone.  The less you are afraid of change, the more confident you will be in the future.

4. Socialize

     We have all had those moments where we feel awkward and/or nervous in social situations.  Some people even have social anxiety, being fearful or anxious when partaking in social interactions.  Either way, not knowing how to speak to people, or being too nervous to do so, can lower confidence.  Being unable to socialize effectively can also limit how far professionally a person can go climb.  The best way to counter this fear is to throw yourself into it.  Like anything else, socializing is a skill developed after acquiring experience.  If a person continuously socialized, not only would they feel more confident when interacting with other people, but they would also feel more relaxed in social settings.  Being relaxed and confident when socializing allows us to focus our attention towards other items, such as our goals, rather than worrying about what to say next.

5. Laugh at Yourself

     Learn to laugh at yourself, because life is not as serious as people make it out to be.  People make mistakes and embarrass themselves, but it only effects a person negatively if they allow it to.  Laughing at yourself is a great way to boost confidence, because it shows you do not care what other people think.  Rather than getting angry or saddened by embarrassment, you accept that you made a mistake, laugh at the fact it happened, and ignore the heckling of others.  There is no reason to get upset over something that will not matter a day, week, month, or year from now.  Why obsess over a small issue when you could focus on something more productive?  Practice laughing at yourself and see the impact it makes in your life.

    What do you think?  Have you used any of these methods to boost self-confidence?  Do you have any other methods?  Enjoying the smiling dog?  Be sure to let me know in the comments!

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Today’s Song of the Blog is “Let It Rock,” by Kevin Rudolf!

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[arcticdementor]

The ongoing argument of how and whether conservatives should stand up for their beliefs in a hostile environment includes some recent interesting flareups, including here in The Federalist. The most interesting, to me, is the exchange between National Review’s David French and the Paradox Project’s pseudonymous Matt Shapiro (full disclosure: he’s written for The Federalist).

French worked as an attorney doing important civil rights work with the Alliance Defending Freedom, and Shapiro was in graduate school at a university that was one party in a case where French served as lead counsel. They experienced different parts of the same elephant.

…

The strongest point in Shapiro’s essay comes when he notes that he has, in fact, made a commitment that there is a line violating his religious beliefs, a line he will not cross: “But you’re ridiculous if you think I’m telling you what that line is. The moment an activist discovers my line, they will use that information to go to my employer and demand that they find a way to force me to cross that line. And I won’t cross it. And I’ll lose my job.”

And courage can’t prevent that. French certainly can’t prevent that: after all, he went to bat for Kevin Williamson’s job at the Atlantic. How’d courage work out for Williamson?

…

French described Shapiro’s statement as “a response worth reading,” but didn’t agree with the conclusion, maintaining, “It’s not either/or. It’s both/and. And the battle won’t be won without both/and. Two decades of litigation have blazed a trail, but sometimes folks have to just walk down that trail. If you don’t want to, I understand. It’s hard. But it’s still a failure if you don’t.”

In other words, “There may be a hockey-masked slasher down that trail, but you need to go down it by yourself anyway.” But as anybody who has ever seen a horror movie knows, fewer camp counselors would meet grisly deaths if they just figured out how to walk down trails together.

…

Crichton observed that journalists were absolutely terrible at covering his profession, yet when he turned the page in the newspaper he still assumed for some reason they would be competent at covering foreign affairs. Similarly, French knows perfectly well that organizing is hard, that putting people together is a skill, and that not everybody has the skills they need in a given situation. When the matter at hand isn’t a civil rights lawsuit, he forgets how hard organizing is.

But nothing happens invisibly or without cost. And telling people they’re cowards isn’t the way to get them to pay that cost. In his excellent book “Hegemony How-To,” the lefty organizer Jonathan Smucker points out that people who are reluctant to do something don’t just need to be told it’s morally important. They need to be convinced the thing you’re asking them to do will work. That it will matter. If they don’t buy that, they won’t do it.

The reason conservatives in hostile settings are reluctant to stand up is that they don’t know how to do it in a way that will produce effect. What’s noteworthy is that French doesn’t even consider that maybe people need some help figuring out how to effectively stand up. Giving them the idea that they should do so, he thinks, should be sufficient.

…

Lefties who wanted unions didn’t just secure the legal right to form a union, and then stop. They taught people who want unions how to make unions. Conservatives don’t do that for our own people, to our shame. We tend to think if people don’t do something for themselves, they must be either cowards or lazy.

Well, sometimes people are cowards, and sometimes people are lazy, but sometimes it’s just that they don’t know what to do. Lefties are better at providing onramps to this stuff. Conservatives blithely say things like French’s line that “there are platoons of lawyers willing and eager to take a swing at your antagonists,” and assume you know who they are, how to reach them, and under what circumstances you can call on them. Lefties planning a protest give you a workshop on your rights, provide free legal observers from a multitude of organizations, then read off a legal defense phone number and tell you to write on your arm.

…

Conservatives don’t do mobilizing, and we certainly don’t do organizing. We basically have three modes: evangelism (telling people what they should believe), electioneering (convincing them to pull the lever), and advocacy. None of these really empower people to fight for themselves. Advocates can swoop in heroically, like knights in armor, but they can’t do everything, they can’t be everywhere at once, and when they depart the field they still leave behind their protectees as an untrained rabble.

…

It’s important to have conservative organizations that fight for people’s legal rights. But that’s not enough. When the legal fight is won, you have to make sure the public knows what the rights they’ve secured are, and what to do if they’re infringed upon. The ACLU, for example, provides illegal immigrants information in multiple languages about what their rights are, how to interact with law enforcement, and where to turn for help. The same Web page provides a 108-page PDF toolkit for responding to ICE workplace raids.

The Alliance for Defending Freedom provides information on your rights, too. But they don’t just give it to you. They make you fill out a form first. (You can freely download their PDF brochure.) The barrier to entry is small, but means many people can’t find their advice.

And while my lefty friends are constantly recommending ACLU guides to people worried about their rights, I’ve never seen a single conservative — even David French! — say “Okay, first thing is you need to get the guidelines of the Alliance for Defending Freedom.” Or of any other conservative advocacy group, for that matter.

…

Their strength is in informing people what their rights are; their weakness is in providing guidance for when those rights are violated. In comparison to the ACLU’s 108-page toolkit, they’re lacking: they don’t tell people how to stand up effectively with anything other than ineffective griping or suing with ADF’s help. The real heart of the publications is guiding you to lay groundwork that will make it easier for the ADF to defend your faith-based organization when they represent you in a lawsuit. Which, again, doesn’t help people stand up for themselves.

…

Write the administration. Submit an op-ed. Hold an event. Because conservatives on campus have had so much luck with those.

This is our real problem. Normal people building normal groups to support the normal desires of normal people is essential to community, let alone political organizing, and righties kind of suck at it because we assume it’ll naturally emerge. Well, no. The kind of communities that naturally emerge are usually pretty crappy communities.

No magical elves are going to build your community for you. If people are afraid, don’t tell them that they’re cowards. Teach them how to stand up.

What does helping people stand up for themselves look like? I keep telling people: you have to read the lefties. Conservatives like French tell people they’re cowards if they don’t stand up for their unpopular beliefs as isolated individuals in a hostile environment, but radical leftists like McAlevey teach people how to make friends. Guess who wins?

[celestial-skylines]

Everything's Fine. Kevin G. x reader

There is not nearly enough Kevin G. content on this site, so I'm contributing. I hope yall like it.

---

Your heels clacked against the floor behind 3 other pairs.

“y/n!” You heard the clacking stop and you looked up, blown out blonde hair focusing into your vision.

“Yes, Regina? You asked wearily.

“Keep up will you? You look like a lost puppy.” She snapped her fingers a few times for emphasis.

“Right sorry.” you said, rushing up to walk next to Karen. Now the four of you taking up almost the entire hallway like you usually do when Cady was with you.

You approached Ms.Norbury’s classroom and Regina’s halt in steps cued the rest to stop too.

“Okay y/n, this is you. We'll see you at lunch okay?” She gave you a fake smile but then it faded as she looked you up and down. “Oh and don't wear that dress again. It doesn't look good on you.” With a flip of her hair, she turned and walked towards her next class, Gretchen and Karen following behind her.

You looked down at your dress and ran your hands down the front.

“This is my favorite dress though…” you mumbled quietly to yourself, suddenly feeling a hand on your lower back. You straighten up and flinch out of surprise and you hear a voice behind you.

“Don't worry babe, you look pretty smokin in that dress. Might be my favorite one you own.”

Kevin Gnapoor.

You smile at him-a small smile- because you're unsure of what to say.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime. Although, gotta say I'd rather see you withou-”

“Kevin!” Ms. Norbury spoke from behind the two of you.

He just winked at you as he walked past you, into the classroom.

You clutched the sides of your dress and walked in behind him.

---

A lunch tray hit the table with a slam as Regina sat in front of you.

“I heard you were talking to that gross mathlete earlier.” She stared at you and you felt as if she was burning a hole right through your head.

“No, we've got the same class, he was just trying to flirt with me.” you dismissed, going back to the lunch in front of you, hoping she would drop it.

“Right well, if he bothers you again let me know. I'm sure Gretchen can get some interesting dirt on him.” She turned to Gretchen. “ Can't you Gretchen?”

“Of course Regina.” She nodded her head enthusically.

You wanted to tell her that it was fine. That you didn't need someone hovering you. That maybe you didn't mind Kevin flirting with you so much. But you didn't. Because it was Regina George and god you were your own person but hell were you scared of stepping on her toes.

So you just nodded.

Like always.

---

And so life went on and Kevin started hitting on you more and more after that day. Sometimes it would be things like “Damn girl, you should wear that more often” and you'd just respond with some snarky remark. But sometimes he would just tell you that you looked nice that day. You wondered if maybe it was because he could tell when you weren't feeling it. Because maybe you were upset about something Regina said or something Regina did.

Regina practically ruled your life. And you hated it but you were much too scared of what would happen if you decided to abandon that.

So you continued to go along with it. And as long as you were doing so, that meant any interaction with Kevin had to be limited.

It's not like he made it easy though.

“y/n, babe, lookin pretty fine today,” you stopped in front of Kevin who was walking out of the computer lab as you were passing by, but quickly started to panic when you heard Regina’s voice echo from around the corner of the empty hall “you sure you don't wanna-” you cut him off, pressing a hand to cover his mouth and one on  hand on his chest, pushing him back into the lab, shutting the door behind you before Regina saw you two.

“Woah woah woah, y/n, if you wanted to get it on, you could have just told me. I'm always available for you.” Kevin said putting a hand on your waist and looking down at your hand that was still on his chest.

You realized this and quickly stepped back, straightening out your skirt, your face red.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to, I just heard Regina coming and I didn't want to get harassed.”

You looked behind you, towards the door making sure no one was coming.

You didn't see the saddened look Kevin was giving you.

“You're really that scared of her?” he asked. His voice sounding different than when he spoke previously.

You turned to look at him. “Well yeah, isn't everyone?”

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Yeah but... aren't you friends? Isn't that like a no harassment zone?”

You let out an amused breath through your nose. “No. I mean sure I've probably got it way better than the rest of the school, but it doesn't mean I'm not affected either. All of the plastics are. We just aren't in her direct line of fire.”

Kevin nodded and raised his eyebrow a little to signal you to keep going.

“For the most part it's safe, I guess. I just can't wear what she tells me not to wear, I can't do what she tells me not to, I can't be friends with anyone she says not to-”

Kevin's started talking before you could finish, his eyebrows furrowed. “Is that why you never wear that one dress you like? And why you ignore me sometimes?”

You fiddled with your hands. “Yeah…”

“‘yeah’ to which one?” he asked.

“Uh, both I guess.I’m sorry about that though, Kev. I just-” you sighed. “If we become friends Regina will make both of our lives hell and I just- I'd rather not have to deal with that, or put you through that.”

Kevin slung an arm over your shoulder. “y/n. You know I am more than willing to mess around with you in secret.” he said, as he motioned his arm out in front of you, as if trying to get you to envision it. “Of course all of those woke hunnies waiting in line to get with yours truly are gonna be so hurt. And you know, I can't hold back my full potential.” he stopped for a second and put his hand on his hip. “But I can make an exception for you.”

You squirmed out of his grasp. “Yeah. Right.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “No no I'm serious though. Like we should totally hang out sometime, not here obviously so you don't get in trouble but like, I dunno, your house my house. What do you say, hmm? Care to learn a little more about Kevin G.? Possibly discover new things?” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes at him, even though you knew he was kidding(mostly).

He nudged your arm after you didn't respond for a second. “I dunno Kev. We'll see.” you checked your phone for the time and sighed. “I should go, before I start getting “where are you?” texts”

Kevin nodded and as you were about to leave he spoke up again “I'll be seeing you in calc right?” you nodded with a teeny, small smile and made your way out.

It wasn't until that day that you really realized how much you wanted to be out of Regina’s grasp.

---

The gods looked down upon you with favor. Regina George came walking into the cafeteria in sweatpants on a Thursday. And you stood up to her. And now you felt so…free. You spent all this time listening to every little order and doing things the way Regina told you to, but you were over it. Never again.

---

It was Friday now, and you walked into school in that dress that you missed so much, that you decided you wanted to wear again. You showed up in your dress and marched into Ms.Norbury’s classroom before class started.

“Do you have an open space? I wanna join the mathletes.” You spoke with confidence as you pushed the door open.

Kevin's head shot in your direction and his eyes widened as he broke out a smile.

“Hey my favorite dress!! Regina changed her mind?” He totally discarded your statement and was focused on how pretty you looked. All happy and glowy.

You shook your head.“Regina doesn't tell me what to do anymore.”

He smiled at you and was about to open his mouth to say something before Tyler cut him off and started talking instead. “So, back to the  topic at hand here. You wanna join the Mathletes???”

You looked towards him and smiled. “Yeah! I mean, I'm pretty good at math if I do say so myself and I feel like this might be a better way to occupy my time, than what I was doing before (basically being on call for regina and hanging out with her all the time).”

“Isn't it like…”social suicide” or whatever?” Now it was Marwan who spoke.

“Honestly, I don't really care anymore. Not about dumb stuff like that.” you scratched your arm out of nervousness (me? Self projecting again????? never.)

“Well I dunno.” Kevin said from his spot on his desk. “Us mathletes have some pretty high standards boo. Especially me tho.” He looked at you with a straight serious face despite having just called you boo a second ago.

You stared back at him, feeling somewhat intimidated by the way he was looking at you. That is, until he started laughing.

“Nah, I'm just kidding, comere.” he patted the spot next to him on top of his desk.

You walked over, and sat next to him on his desk.

“GPA?” he asked.

“4.0”

“Calc grade?”

“A+”

“Hmmmmmm” he put his finger to his chin dramatically pretending to think. “What do you think boys? All in favor of having this lovely lady on our team?” he asked them, gesturing to you.

They both nodded and so you were then appointed the newest member of the mathletes. Kevin wrapped an arm around your shoulders as Ms.Norbury started talking about how you being on the team would be refreshing, and you didn't shove him off this time. You kinda just sat there, leaning into him a little. Comfortable.

“Kev,” you spoke up and he looked down at you next to him. “What up sweetheart?”

“I think I'd like to take you up on your offer to hang out.” his eyes brightened at your words

“You finally wanna bang Kevin G.!!!???”

You laughed at him and smacked his arm lightly.

“No, but judging by the overwhelming excitement in your voice, it sounds like you're, the one who wants to bang me.”

He shrugged off your comment, and tightened his arm around your shoulders.

“It's okay, I know you're just embarrassed to admit that you're scared you can't handle all this.” he gestured to…well, all of him.

“Right.That's it.” you shook your head.

---

“Y/nnnnnnnnn” Kevin stretched out your name as he snapped his fingers in front of your face, shaking you out of your daze.

You blinked “Sorry Kev, what?”

“Are you okay?” he asked raising a suspicious eyebrow at you.

Are you okay? Are you okay???

Of course you're not okay!

Too many things were happening.

You were accused of writing the burn book with the rest of the plastics (beside Regina obvi) even though you NEVER wrote in that mean book.

The great fall of Regina George occured. And she got...hit by a bus.

Cady joined the Mathletes after fessing up about the burn book.

The Mathletes state champion finals were in 2 weeks.

AND you cannot for the life of you, get Kevin Gnapoor out of your head.

See, since you've joined the mathletes, you and Kevin started hanging out a lot more. Not just bc of mathlete meetings and practices but also outside of that when you guys would actually go out and do things or have your own practices. And due to this, you may or may not have developed a huge crush on him? And have a hard time not getting distracted.

Like right now for example.

The two of you were practicing for the finals but you started spacing out and totally got caught.

“Yeah!” You shook your head, running a hand through your hair. “I'm okay, sorry Kev. Just a bit distracted is all, it's fine.”

“Distracted by the wonder that is Kevin G.? Can't blame you, beautiful, but seriously, finals are in 2 weeks. I know it's really hard, but if you could try to keep your mind off of me and more on these equations, that would be great.” Kevin said as he tapped the text book with his pencil.

“tch, easier said than done…” you mumbled under your breath and prayed he didn't hear you.

“what was that?” he asked, looking amused.

“Nothing! I didn't say anything!” you lied but your face turned super red, kind of giving it away.

“Yeah okay, very convincing.” he moved closer to where you were sitting on your bed, moving some books out of the way.

You shifted in your spot and started anxiously fiddling with your fingers. “Kev.”

He was scanning over equations but looked up at you with curious brown eyes when he heard you call him. “hmm?”

“I uh-” should you be doing this? You haven't really thought about this enough. Oh well, I guess we're doing this. “I really like you.” you whispered out, halfheartedly hoping he wouldn't hear you and you could move on to more equations.

But he did. And he let go of the textbook in his lap and moved it aside, taking your hands in his.

“I really like you too y/n.” Your eyes widened a little and you were trying hard to find any type of reassurance in his eyes that he was serious.

“I'm not kidding Kevin.” you said, scared this was a big joke even though your gut was screaming at you that he'd never actually do that to you.

“Neither am I.” he squeezed your hands, and when your eyes flickered to his face, he gave you an honest smile.

You smiled back at him tested the waters by leaning in. He did the same and in half a second his lips were pressed against yours.

It was a soft sweet kiss but as seconds passed it was becoming deeper. You let go of his hands and were about to snake an arm over his shoulder before he pulled away.

“I uh- sorry. I just-” he took in a deep breath. “Is this okay?” you smiled.

“Yes Kev. This is fine. You're fine.” you reassured him.

“Are you sure? Because I don't want to overstep any boundaries and if you're uncomfortable then-”

“I'm fine Kev. Promise.” you interrupted, taking his face in your hands. “It doesn't sound like you are though.” you gave him a worried, lopsided smile.

“No it's fine. I'm fine. I just- I know I talk a big game, but I've never done this before.” his eyes flicked around the room, trying to look anywhere but you.

“Neither have I though.” you didn't even have to ask him to look at you, because after you said that, his eyes darted to your face so fast.

“Huh?? Yes you have.” he gaped. “You were a plastic, what do you mean you've never done this before??”

You shrugged your shoulders with a small laugh.

“Yeah but I don't like messing around with people's feelings. I take this stuff seriously.”

“That's good to know.” Kevin said, visibly more relaxed than before, your words putting his worries to ease. “Anyways, where were we?” he pulled you closer and his hand rested on your waist.

“Somewhere around here I think.” you leaned in again and pinned your lips back onto his where they were before.

He went from having a hand on your waist to an arm wrapped around your waist and you shifted your arms around his neck as he pulled you closer.

The kiss was deep and nice, not perfect but still nice. And you could tell that he was putting as much passion and happiness into it as you were.

The two of you pulled back for air briefly and Kevin pecked your lips a few more times. You giggled  as he did so and after about 5 more kisses, he pulled you into a hug. It was warm and comforting and safe. And you felt like you could stay in his arms like that forever.

Bonus: You scored the winning point at the mathletes final and Kevin was so proud of you and he spun you around and kissed your face over and over and was like !!!I have the best girlfriend!!!???

The mathletes pretended you were gross and annoying but they all think you guys are actually really cute and Marwan and Tyler are really happy to see Kevin so happy.

[thatsdoctorlindsaytoyou]

If you’ve wondered exactly what people mean when they say that modern cinema has become overly pretentious and desperate for awards and “critical acclaim” at the sacrifice of quality, entertainment, and originality, look no further than the recent film Call Me By Your Name. In fact, I myself didn’t quite understand the phenomenon until I sat through this overly-convoluted suck-fest of a movie.

This movie truly seems like a group of space aliens somehow got their hands on an outline for creating an “award-winning” film and just followed the formula to the letter, but with absolutely no idea how actual human beings speak, stand, walk, move, converse, and interact with each other. Every piece of dialogue in this movie was like it was written by a computer program designed to emulate Shakespearean-era prose. Every movement was so methodically calculated and inhuman that it made Ted Cruz look comfortable and natural. The story was somehow both wildly unrealistic and painfully predictable. Each scene was so atrociously obvious to predict, even down to the slow camera pan to a lone tree rustling in the wind. Truly, it was like this movie was following a checklist: wide shots of a foreign countryside? Check. B-list hunk to draw in a female crowd? Check. Overuse of still shots of “symbolic” inanimate objects and choppy cuts between scenes to establish a low-budget indie feel? Check. Extremely controversial scene of a sexual nature to piss of conservatives? Check. Homosexual relationship in the 80’s to make sure nobody can criticize the film without being accused of being a backwoods hillbilly prude? Check. Strangely enough, this movie hits every mark of what stereotypically makes a movie a great piece of cinema, but somehow manages to do absolutely none of them well. The entire thing is so ridiculously lazy that at times I almost wondered if it was actually meant to be a post-modern Warhol-esque statement about the methodically repetitive nature of recent cinema. In fact, the only way the film is tolerable is by viewing it through the lens of parody and imagining it was an endeavor by Bill Hader and Fred Armisen to expose the ridiculousness of the modern indie film.

In a film that is just crap full of crap scenes, by far the absolute worst has got to be the scene near the end where the heartbroken teenage boy is being comforted by his father. (Spoiler alert! The relationship between a grown ass man and a teenage boy in 1983 doesn’t work out.) In this scene the boy’s father delivers the most horrendous monologue I have ever witnessed in any artistic medium in my life, and that includes the time in theater school when I attended an off-off-Broadway show and the actor was literally spitting pumpkin seeds on the audience between words. Basically, in this scene we are led to believe that this boy’s father was well-aware of the fact that the grown ass man who had been living in his home had been having a sexual relationship with his teenage son, and not only was he entirely supportive and encouraging of this relationship, but he delivers a tearful monologue about the undeniable and unbreakable love between the two of them. In this scene the father essentially tells his son that the love they had somehow developed within the span of about 4 weeks, despite seeming to hardly ever speak or spend any time together, was far greater than any love the father had ever witnessed or experienced in his lifetime, even with the boy’s mother. I had never walked out of a movie in my life and I still have not, but that was the closest I have ever gotten.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I find it atrocious that people are universally praising a film that both normalizes and romanticizes a relationship between an adult man and a teenage boy, especially in the post-Kevin Spacey Hollywood era. Any way you spin it, this is a movie about a grown adult taking advantage of a young man, and it is a horrific insult to everyone who was preyed on by an adult sexual predator when they were a teenager. It’s bad enough to normalize these kinds of “relationships”, but to romanticize them is taking it to another level. With the direction Hollywood and the world is going, I truly believe this is something we are becoming more aware of over time, and I absolutely believe that this movie is going to age like a luke-warm glass of milk. Seeing all of the rave reviews this movie is getting almost makes me feel like I’m living inside an episode of Black Mirror where the entire world has gone batshit crazy and I’m the only sane person left on the planet, but the thing that keeps me going is the confidence that within as little as ten years this will be one of those movies people look back on and wonder how in the hell they ever thought it was good.

Basically, in summation:

Did I like this movie? No.

Did I objectively think it was a bad movie? Yes.

Do I at least understand why other people like it? No.

Do I think you should at least see it and form your own opinion? I really don’t.

Don’t let yourself get swept up in the hype that this movie is getting. I know everyone is acting like if you don’t go see this movie and weep like a grieving widow from opening credits to ending credits then you must be some sort of heartless, unsophisticated neanderthal with no appreciation for artistic integrity, but I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to let a bunch of pretentious film weenies bully you like that. You can decide not to see it, and if you do see it, you are allowed to not like it. You are allowed to call it for what it is, and what it is is a bad movie.

I know that at this point everyone has pretty much made up their mind about whether or not they are going to see it and nothing I say is going to actually change your mind, in fact probably nobody is even going to read this since I only have like 100 followers so you’re probably scrolling past it right now and seeing that it has no notes, but on the off chance you’ve actually read this far and care about what I think, let me leave on a positive note with a movie you should watch instead: As You Are by Miles Joris-Peyrafitte. Basically that movie is the amalgamation of everything that Call Me By Your Name tried and failed to be; it’s a beautiful coming of age film about teenagers discovering who they are and exploring their sexuality with a stellar cast and gorgeous cinematography that will absolutely tug on your heart strings. I highly recommend it, and it’s on Amazon Prime.

Basically that’s all I have to say. Thanks for reading this far, I guess.

[recentanimenews]

Composer Kevin Penkin on Symphonic Metal and Flamenco Music Influences in The Rising of the Shield Hero, and More!

At Crunchyroll Expo, we were excited to premiere the first episode of The Rising of the Shield Hero, and what a premiere it was! If you didn’t get a chance to see the first episode, fear not, because the show will be coming out soon in January 2019, so there’s plenty of time to get ready for this unique take on isekai fantasy action!

The Rising of the Shield Hero follows Naofumi Iwatani as he gets summoned into a parallel world, but things don’t go quite as planned for this “hero:” he’s not very easy to get along with, a bit uncharismatic, and to top it off, his only piece of “legendary” equipment is a shield. Stuck in a new world filled with danger and intrigue, is there anyone that Naofumi can trust, and just what can he do without any means of attacking his enemies?

Following the premiere, we were honored to get a chance to sit down and talk to Junichiro Tamura, the head of production for the 1st anime division at Kadokawa, who has overseen series like Bungo Stray Dogs, Chio’s School Road, and Angolmois: Record of Mongol Invasion, and Kevin Penkin, a composer whose works include anime like Under the Dog and Norn9, video games like Defenders Quest and the upcoming Necrobarista, and last year won the Crunchyroll Anime Award for his work on Made in Abyss. Let’s see what they had to say!

Hello! Thank you for speaking with us today. Could you tell us a bit about yourselves first?Junichiro Tamura: I’m the head of the 1st anime division, and I work mostly on KADOKAWA IP titles, like novels and manga.Kevin Penkin: I just walked in off the street. I don’t go here! (everyone laughs) I am an Australian living in London, and I do music for anime and games. I did some titles like Made in Abyss and Under the Dog, and now The Rising of the Shield Hero. Also did work on a game called Florence, which came out earlier this year, and I’m also doing other games like Necrobarista, which is coming out next year. So yeah, I do music for things, and occasionally get paid for it.JT: Occasionally?KP: Occasionally. Well, actually, no, no, more than occasionally, you know, FINALLY! (laughs)

We're looking forward to The Rising of the Shield Hero! What has it been like to work on this series?JT: This project mostly came out of trying to get more fans from overseas. Crunchyroll producer, Sae Ho Song, was the one to tip us off about Shield Hero, so that’s what prompted us to make it; he told us it was popular overseas. That’s also another reason why Kevin is part of this project, so we can get more overseas fans.KP: For me, this is my first Crunchyroll title, and it’s also the first big title I’ve been doing since Made in Abyss finished airing. Originally, there was a bit of pressure, cause trying to find a way to do another project and not in the same way, but try and find a new and unique voice for Shield Hero. At the start, it was a bit of a challenge, but as the project started to pick up steam, we started writing more music, I found that it was actually quite natural to switch gears from one style, from one approach to another, because it was a completely different anime to what I’ve been used to writing before. And especially when it came to writing for battle music, trying to think of interesting ways to create tension in a battle track, for example, that would not be a typical approach was quite fun! So yeah, it’s been an interesting experience getting into Shield Hero, and it’s been really fun, and very very challenging, but very very enjoyable as well!

Yeah, you mentioned something back at the Shield Hero premiere: symphonic metal and flamenco music? I bet that was part of the challenge!KP: Yeah, that was interesting meeting to have when they gave me that idea! (laughs) It’s not necessarily about how do you blend one instrument with another; you can always find a way, but it’s about how to convince them that you know what you’re doing. Trying to figure out a way where every instrument would be pretty well balanced with one another was sort of the challenge for when it comes to that type of writing. For example, there was the main theme that was shown in the first episode and also in the PV, which is a classic example of what the soundtrack will be in terms of variation. It’s gonna jump sometimes between in-your-face symphonic rock and then it’ll have a sort of more sensitive guitar sounds at times. I’m trying to create almost a bit of an emotional whiplash between these two set of contrasting styles that will yield interesting emotional results with the audience. It’s still too early to tell exactly how it’ll play out, but I’m very much looking forward to seeing how people react to the full soundtrack in due course.

You two have worked together before. Can you explain a bit about how your relationship developed?JT: We haven’t met face-to-face until just a few days ago for Crunchyroll Expo! (laughs) We’ve done quite a few Skype calls to just talk about music, though! KP: I’ve got my story all wrong…! (everyone laughs) But I thought in January we had met, but I was too jet lagged at the time to remember who exactly was there and wasn’t there! (everyone laughs) Because I’ve been talking with Tamura-san multiple times on Skype, I’m already quite familiar, even though we haven’t apparently met in person before just now. (laughs) We’ve had some pretty cool detailed discussions involving the direction of the music and where to go, and how we should develop whatever themes we may have composed for Shield Hero so far. We do have a really cool working relationship. So cool that I thought we had already met! (laughs) But nevertheless, Tamura-san’s really good to work with, because Tamura-san has a very clear vision for Shield Hero, so he knows what he wants and when he wants it. However, he’s also very respectful if he thinks that we just want to try writing music away from thinking about too many specific things, and just sort of trying to get almost like an imageboard of the music and then try to focus it down from there. We have a very good back and forth!JT: The meeting he thought that we were having in January, I wanted to come, but I couldn’t because I had another obligation at the time.KP: I just forgot! Your presence was just so strong! (everyone laughs)

Kevin, how did you get interested in working in music?KP: It helps that I have literally no skill in any other set of field. (laughs) If you’re only good at one thing, you might as well make it a good one! I decided very early on that I wanted to get into music, and by the age of 10, I knew that I wanted to do soundtracks. It started with games like Metroid Prime; I really wanted to work at Nintendo when I was a kid, so that led me to studying Japanese and immersing myself in the culture, going there multiple times, which sort of broke open the door to start working in companies in Japan. It’s always been a passion of mine to do music for games and anime, because I definitely feel like I’m able to create the music that I want to create the best when I’m working with a team on a project for multimedia. Let it be interactive or linear, it doesn’t matter, what matters is working with a team on a creative vision that can inspire me and allow me to do a good job.

You've worked on other anime, such as Made in Abyss, which won a Crunchyroll Anime Award last year. You've also worked on video games like Norn9 and with Nobuo Uematsu. Are you a big anime and game fan yourself?KP: For sure! Since I was a kid, I’ve been playing games, and even though I might not have enough time now, for good reasons, I still do play. I started out playing games like Metroid Prime and Smash Bros. I was really into the GameCube; that was my console! That solidified my passion for wanting to do this. Anime was a slightly different beast, in the sense that when I started watching anime, I didn’t realize what it was, and then slowly started getting into not just the production of anime, but the culture around it. I find the anime consumer culture really interesting and really fun and incredibly passionate as well. I think Crunchyroll Expo is a perfect example of that! You see everyone dressing up as whoever they want to dress up as and cosplaying, and it’s really gratifying, almost give you a bit more extra energy to do your job, and even better, if you can! I know that I came into anime, not just because I really like the production aspect of it, but I really like everything that comes with the culture of anime.

Tamura-san, your show Chio's School Road recently finished airing. That show has a lot of references to video games and a unique sense of humor. Were there any challenges adapting that series to an anime?JT: It really wasn’t too much trouble. What I was worried about was that first person shooters and shooters in general aren’t really popular in Japan. My concern with that when we adapted those scenes, that we would get it corrected. That way, people who are actually into FPS games, when they would watch it didn’t feel like “Oh, they don’t know about FPS at all”.

Your other show, Angolmois: Record of Mongol Invasion has also finished airing this past season. What challenges did that series present between adapting the manga and real historical events behind it?JT: We tried really hard to make it as historic as possible. Even though they’re all samurai, their armor and weapons change throughout the era, so we tried to keep it as historically accurate as possible.

Kevin, as a composer for anime, when creating music for these series what do you draw on for inspiration? Do you learn the source material first?KP: What I have discovered now doing a few more projects, is that it can vary from project to project how I try and achieve what I need to for the music. Sometimes reading the source material is the best way, and then sometimes taking the reference from other things, such as background art, or from other characteristics of the show, those might sometimes be a fresh wave of inspiration in terms of how you approach writing music. For example, sometimes I get very stuck on the color palette of background art and try to derive some textures or musical ideas from that. A lot of times, the source material comes into play; it’s important that you are accurately representing what happens on the screen. But then also, looking at other things to do with anime, like anime has a lot of interesting movement and style, with the way that characters move and how they’re animated, which is quite unique! So, sometimes looking at how characters move on-screen can actually be quite interesting to derive tempo from, for example. Looking at how characters are moving on-screen, and especially with such a unique approach to animation that I believe a lot of Japanese animation tends to have, that can be really fun and an interesting challenge in terms of trying to find something interesting to say with the music that is still very much connected with whatever show I might be working on.

Kevin, you work on both anime and games. What do you find is different between them? Or perhaps, similarities?KP: From a practical standpoint, one is linear and one is non-linear, so how the music is written, at some point, is gonna have to factor that in. For example, when we were doing a game called Florence last year, we recorded the music in very short sections at a time, so it could be stitched together and sometimes in any other order it could be triggered in different ways depending on the player’s movement. When it comes to anime, or by extension, any other sort of linear content, you can pick your spots as to where you want have these emotional apexes. Anime is slightly different, because you employ what is called the “menu approach”, which is where you’re writing a lot of music that isn’t synchronized to picture first off, but then you’re synchronizing it to multiple spots in the series at a later date. Anime is almost like an interesting hybrid of non-linear and linear approaches to writing music, and it’s very cool to see how it comes together, because it actually becomes almost like a team effort. And I think it’s actually to the credit of anime, because I do feel that sometimes, especially if you’re starting out or a young composer, having the objectivity that you need to know where exactly music should start and stop, even though it’s an essential skill, does take awhile to develop, so working with a fantastic team like Shield Hero, or any other project, has been not only inspiration, but a wonderful learning moment as well!

Tamura-san, what is your process when producing a show based on a novel series, like Shield Hero?JT: When I’m specifically working with novels, since most of it is not illustrated, we have to make and design everything from scratch, from all the small things like props to background characters. That’s probably the most difficult thing for me when working from novels.

Thank you so much again to Tamura-san and Kevin for taking the time to speak with us and talk a bit about their processes in producing anime and music, as well as how they’ve worked together. We can’t wait to see how the rest of The Rising of the Shield Hero pans out for our unfortunate hero Naofumi, and hope you’re excited to watch it next year right here on Crunchyroll!

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Nicole is a features and a social video script writer for Crunchyroll. Known to profess her love of otome games over at her blog, Figuratively Speaking. When she has the time, she also streams some games. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries 

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[mst3kproject]

Hollywood After Dark

           I remember discovering The Film Crew as a moment of unexpected joy. It was as if the lady from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank descended from heaven in her seashell with four bonus episodes for me!  It's lacking something without the silhouettes, I admit, and actually seeing Kevin and Bill weirdly makes my brain want to attribute the voices to Bobo and Brain Guy rather than to Tom and Crow.  Nevertheless, it was a mouthful of water to a thirsty explorer – not enough to satisfy, but nothing I was going to turn down!  I still like The Film Crew episodes, too.  Rifftrax is fine, but The Film Crew feels truer to the spirit of MST3K, which is why I consider all four of their movies essential content for this blog.

           This movie, on the other hand, contains absolutely no joy whatsoever. It seems to exist in a universe where joy is forbidden.  There’s this guy named Tony who I think owns a junkyard, and a couple of mobsters hire him to transport some stolen money for them.  He goes to a burlesque club to iron out the details with them, and there he pretends to be in charge of the place in order to crush the hopes and dreams of Sandy, a dancer who likes to consider herself an artist of some sort. She inexplicably agrees to go out with him, and I guess the two of them fall in love since after the heist is done they plan to run away together.  One of the two mobsters murders the other and then stabs Tony, who staggers back to his motel to die in Sandy’s arms.  The other mobster crashes his car and the police just stand there and watch the wreckage burn.

           The title Hollywood After Dark makes it sound like this film will be some kind of juicy expose, full of Hollywood darlings behaving badly.  Unsurprisingly, it’s not the movie’s official title – that, as you will find if you consult IMDB, is Walk the Angry Beach.  In doing this blog I’ve found several instances where the alternate title was way better than the original, but this is not one of them.  Walk the Angry Beach sounds like exactly what this movie actually turns out to be: bleak, nihilistic, ugly, and never making a lot of sense.

           In a way, I guess, saying that is actually giving the film a compliment, because Hollywood After Dark is a tale of shattered dreams.  The mobsters dreamed of stealing a fortune – they both end up dead.  Tony dreamed of leaving the lousy junkyard and starting a new life with Sandy – he dies, too.  Sandy dreams of getting out of the burlesque and becoming a movie star, never having to bare her breasts or sleep with a sleazy producer again.  She doesn’t die, but her best chance for a better life was Tony and his stolen money, and at the end she has lost both. The story seems to be telling us that it doesn’t matter what you want or how you go about trying to get it, all you can realistically hope for is to claw your way along until death finally overtakes you.

           As suits this theme, everything in the movie is relentlessly bleak and depressing. People hang out on a beach that is entirely empty except for characters who have to do something in a scene. Literally the only beachgoers we see besides Tony, Sandy, and the mobsters are one little girl and a couple making out, all of whom exist only to briefly interact with Tony.  Besides that, we see nothing but empty sand.  Offices and homes are dimly-lit and grimy-looking, unattractive and unwelcoming spaces.  The lighting is absolutely merciless.  Daytime scenes are under ferocious California sunlight, night ones under spot illumination that is equally glaring and ugly.  I wish any of this were intentional, but it’s not – as far as I can tell, the harsh lighting is just because that’s all they could manage.  We get empty beaches are because they spent all their budget for extras on the serial-killer-looking guys in the burlesque audience.

           Anthony Vorno as Tony and Rue McClanahan as Sandy always sound like they’re just a couple of words away from bursting into tears.  Again, this could be appropriate for their characters but they’re so badly-written that you can’t get into it.  The decisions Tony and Sandy make do not make sense.  When Sandy staggers drunkenly out of the producer’s apartment, Tony does not go to walk her home or otherwise protect her – he hangs around to ambush and attack the producer, in an absolutely terrible fight scene in which you can almost always see the cameraman’s shadow on one of the actor’s shirts!  So he’s just gonna let her walk home alone and drugged in the middle of the night?

           Later, Sandy tells Tony she doesn’t want stolen money and prefers to stay in Los Angeles making a living by herself, even if that means working at the burlesque.  She seems to change her mind when he tells her that he will stay with her instead, but when he goes out again she offers to pack.  Does that mean they’re leaving after all?  She already said she doesn’t want to do that!  Does she now think they’re following his plan while he thinks they’re following hers?  That sounds like it’s setting up a wacky misunderstanding, but Tony dies before we can follow through on it.

           What the hell do these two people even see in one another?  Tony and Sandy both seem to feel like they’re stuck in a hole they can’t get out of.  Meeting each other just seems to give them somebody else to be depressed with.  The first thing Tony says to her is a speech about how dreams are destined to be crushed!  There is no spark between them, no sign that they bring out anything in each other, not a hint that the relationship has given either of them renewed hope!  The only thing they derive any hope from is the stolen money, which turns out to be Tony’s ruin.

           Why do the mobsters hire Tony at all?  We’re told something about one of them scoping him out by having some car repairs done, but how would that lead them to conclude that he’s a good man to transport stolen cash?  To get him to work for him, they threaten his family… but Tony doesn’t have a family as far as we can tell.  What the hell is the significance of the guy who buys the water pump?  He turns up like he’s going to be somehow important but he just recites poetry, buys a part, and leaves.  The credits just call him The Shakespearean.

           Since Sandy works at a burlesque, we are of course treated to several scenes of women dancing.  These are punishingly long and filmed so leeringly that I feel like I need a shower after watching them.  The first one features a woman in a zebra-print bikini bottom, with feathers on her nipples, and it wears out its welcome several times over.  Remember when I said in Horrors of Spider Island that after a while even jiggling butts get boring?  That goes tenfold for Hollywood After Dark.  It’s like the strip equivalent of the wrestling in Samson vs the Vampire Women in that you don’t care and it never ends.  That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, even the strip show in this movie is fucking depressing.

           When you try to actually think about the movie, it gets even worse.  Of the three women we see perform in the burlesque, only Sandy gets offstage screen time.  The other two are mere filler.  Sandy is also the only one whose boobs we never get a good look at.  The other two women wave theirs around with abandon, but Sandy dances with a top on, with her back to the camera, or with her breasts in deep shadow.  It’s implied that the audience in the club gets to see, but the audience in the theatre does not.  I’m pretty sure this is a deliberate statement on the part of the director, because Sandy has higher ambitions and should not be thus degraded.  We never find out what the other two dancers think of their jobs, but they have smiles on their faces rather than collapsing in tears at the end like Sandy does, so I guess we can degrade them as much as we like.  Ew.

           In case that wasn’t gross enough, the first of the two anonymous dancers is black and the second is Asian.  Roger Ebert used to call this the National Geographic Loophole, in which non-white boobs are considered PG while white ones are R.

           Of course there’s also the scene in which Sandy is invited to meet a producer, and it becomes transparently obvious that he just wants sex and he drugs her in order to get it.  We don’t see that, either, just Tony waiting stalkerishly outside to attack the producer after Sandy leaves.  Again, I think the idea was to avoid degrading Sandy, whom we’re supposed to see as a person tragically mistreated by an uncaring world, rather than a sex object. It’s so poorly executed, however, that I don’t even want to give them points for trying.  If you’re going to tell us that women are human beings who don’t deserve to be regarded as over-talkative sex toys, you can’t pick and choose which women that applies to.  You only make yourself look like a hypocrite, and when you do it the way Hollywood After Dark does, you’re a racist hypocrite to boot.

           This is honestly one of the top ten most depressing movies I’ve ever watched, right up there with the works of Coleman Francis.  There is nothing in it that makes you smile, or that even tries to make you smile – it’s so relentlessly dismal that it feels three hours long, even though it’s only seventy-five minutes. If it had been the first Film Crew episode I’d seen, I probably wouldn’t have bothered with the other three.  Fortunately, it was the last, so I’d already gotten some genuine MST3K-style joy out of things like Killers from Space and The Wild Women of Wongo.  Instead of a series-killer, it was therefore only a real downer ending.

[roninkairi]

Game Review: Crossing Souls (SPOILER WARNING)

At first glance, you may think that Crossing Souls is a honest to goodness homage to the 80s. And you'd be right, it is. But once you get past that impression, the first question you will ask yourself is 'is this a good game?' And that is where this review comes into play.

The game, as stated earlier, is an homage to 80s pop culture and movies along with all the typical tropes that go along with it. You take control of a band of teens each with their atypical personality and skills. The designated hero, Chris, is the most well rounded one of the group who can climb to other areas. Matt is the brains of the group and has access to the only long range attack in the game, as well as hover boots. Charlene, or "Charlie", the resident tomboy of the gang, can't jump but she has a dash and attacks with her jump rope. She can also catapult herself into upper areas when needed. Big Joe, the token minority dude, is the muscle who can do the most damage and is the only other one who can't jump. He also can pull and push big objects. and then there's Kevin. There is only point when he is useful...when he's dead.

Yeah, a little more about that later, because that is actually part of the problem of this game.

The game, developed by Fourattic, takes place in a Legend of Zelda style view with quasi retro graphics. While it is an open world, with the way the story is structured, exploration is important to an extent. There are secrets to discover indeed but sometimes it leads to a nice easter egg. The platforming is pretty solid but hampered sometimes by awkward timing, especially in places where stealth is needed. This will become an issue in the latter half of the game. Sometimes though, to break up the pace you will find yourself in a minigame to transition to the next area, like escaping from the police on bikes or powering up a Delorean to time travel. (Yes, I am serious.) The combat itself is ok, but its slowed down by the stamina meters that the characters have. You can't exactly swing the bat all day with Chris because he will tire himself out pretty quickly and leave you open to attack. This part is crucial as in certain boss fights you need every chance you can get to strike and move fast.

As for the story itself...OK NOW we need to address this. The game draws inspirations from many movies like the Goonies or Indiana Jones. The whole premise of the story revolves around the groups discovery of something called the Duat Stone and Matt's invention of a device that can enable the user to use it and interact with the dead and not get killed by its corrupting effects. Of course the big bad, Major Oh Rus, wants it back and chaos ensues. You would think with a interesting hook like that and what happens shortly after the discovery, which eventually leads to the first major death of the game, you would have a good story to follow.

That's kind of wrong. It depends on your view of it really as the game plays out. The themes of staying strong and keeping together when adversity strikes is there, but there are sometimes little things that are dangled in front of you when you want some sort of resolution. We get a hint of something that is going on with Matt and his father, but its not explored after that. We don't get much info about Major Oh Rus himself and his history with the Duat stone unless you find certain files within the game and even then its vague at best. Even the concept of using the Duat Stone is wasted at a certain point in the tale; after Big Joe's death (which will hit you HARD) and his promise to stay with the gang even though his time is up, Charlie gets kidnapped and the Duat Stone is forever lost to you. This messes up the theme of the story about keeping together, as well as ditches a concept that the game was built on which was exploring both the land of the living and dead. It also permanently takes away two more characters from your party and leaves you with Chris and Matt for the remainder of the game, and no it does not get any easier. And when Matt dies it just feels so, well, WASTED, especially given how he dies. (If it makes you feel any better, one person does survive. HINT- Not him.) The story concept is good but the execution at the latter end needed patching up. The game does boast some nice animated scenes in between certain areas complete with track skipping. Also the soundtrack is pretty damn sweet and reminiscent of 80s action films.

To be fair, this is an 10 hour game at most. If you are looking for an interesting diversion and can overlook some things, Crossing Souls is a nice action game that can help kill some time.

[bklynbabe114]

Something to think about....

Great piece written on medium.com today. Here’s the link: https://medium.com/th-ink/kevin-spacey-metoo-and-the-problem-of-gay-shame-585d5f1bab7

I’m so glad I saw this because I’m happy to see someone else understand how internalized shame played a part in Kevin’s life & how it affected his behavior.

Kevin Spacey, #MeToo, And The Problem Of Gay Shame. 

“As those closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. I want to deal with this honestly and openly and that starts with examining my own behaviour.”

The above is Kevin Spacey’s response to Anthony Rapp’s accusation of unwanted sexual advances by Spacey when he was 14-years old.

The challenging aspect of this article, for me, is to create an empathetic discussion about the potential “origins” of Spacey’s behaviour.

What I ask of you is to read through with an open mind. I am not condoning Spacey’s behaviour whatsoever.

When this news first broke I had hoped it would be a single incident. Unfortunately it wasn’t. Spacey clearly made unwanted sexual advances on men, underage men, and women; allegations which span decades.

The Upset Over His Coming Out

It’s good Spacey finally came out publicly. It’s good that he admitted wrongdoing.

But what I find extremely problematic and complicated is how people have reacted to his explanation and reason for finally coming out.

It may be he chose to spin his coming out as a way to deflect from the larger issue of sexual abuse/violence against others.

It may be that he thinks his repressed homosexuality is part of the reason for what he did.

The Problem May Be Rooted In The Closet Of Shame

Gay shame is a complicated psychological issue.

According to Alan Downs, author of The Velvet Rage, gay shame stems from a lack of authentic validation. During adolescence everyone you know is discovering their heteronormative sexuality and receiving positive reinforcement, except for the young gay man.

Boys date girls, girls date boys. No exception.

In my case, I never dated, or went out publicly with a man, until after I left high school. But I got to witness the other boys my age dating, interacting, and flirting with girls, including all the usual dry humping and kissing that goes on at teenage parties in someone’s parent’s basement. I even went so far as to make up complicated reasons for why I hadn’t “done it” yet.

What’s happening during this period of adolescence is sexual identity validation.

Boys and girls are learning how to interact on a sexual level with members of the opposite sex. Their friends, parents, media and culture tells them they are good and valid for acting in that way.

All except for the LGBTQ person on the margins, the silent, non participant.

How does this affect the individual growing up without validation?

“If you hold the fundamental assumption of shame that you are critically flawed, how would you cope with this?”

One part of the young man grows into an adult, but without authentic validation, he will be forever chasing affection, approval, and the attention of others. Interesting to note that Spacey chose a career in acting. Where else can you can that much admiration?

Downs explains the manner in which a gay man handles shame. There are three stages.

Overwhelmed by shame: “that period of time when he remained in “the closet” and fearful of his own sexuality.”

Compensating for shame: “the gay man’s attempt to neutralize his shame by being more successful, outrageous, fabulous, beautiful, or masculine.” These behaviours are undertaken in the hopes of feeling less shameful.

Cultivating authenticity: this is when the gay man moves out of the first two stages “to build a life that is built upon their own passions and values rather than proving to themselves that they are desirable and lovable.”

Depending on the stage of shame the gay man is experiencing, he may still be trying to discover who he is at a level that is more on par with that of an adolescent.

Essentially, Kevin Spacey never had a chance to fully authenticate his identity as a happy and content gay man. That’s not to excuse his behaviour of abusing men sexually, especially underage men. But back up for a moment long enough to see the complicated psychological issues at play, including the intersections of power that might be the root of his actions.

The Power-Factors At Play In Kevin Spacey‘s Life

Power Position #1: Spacey is a white male.

Power Position #2: Spacey (was) a highly respected actor in Hollywood, and as a result,

Power Position #3: Spacey has great financial wealth, thanks to his acting career, thus increasing his privilege.

Other than being born into a wealthy (elite) American family, Hollywood appears to be the second level down aristocracy in the United States.

One of the massive power conflicts in Spacey’s life were the rules of Hollywood: if you’re gay, keep it to yourself.

Side note: this is becoming something of the old generation as there are now more, younger, out and successful gay actors.

But the very public nature of being an actor limits one’s freedom. In Spacey’s case, he might have been out to those in the know, but remaining in the closet is still a form of shame that has psychological consequences.

We Wanted Him To Be One Of Us

On one level I feel very sympathetic for Spacey. I’m sure many of us wish he could’ve been a role model and come out much sooner in life.

I have to ask the hypothetical question:

If Spacey had come out, or been out at the beginning of his acting career, and was fortunate enough to still become a successful actor, would any of this sexual abuse have happened?

There’s no way we can predict one way or another what would’ve happened. The power and privilege of being a white male in Hollywood might still have lead him down the exact same path.

Fame And The Closet

To close, let’s consider another example, another situation of someone’s actions as a result of lacking authentic validation and dealing with gay shame: the late George Michael.

If you do a Google search you will come across the number of times he was arrested for public indecency,getting caught having sex in bathrooms.

Why would someone as famous and celebrated and George Michael risk his safety and his closet by having sex in a public bathroom?

It all comes back to shame and not feeling validated.

“The ability to derive internal satisfaction and contentment didn’t emerge from our adolescence as it should have. Instead, we sputtered along looking to others for the confidence and well-being that we needed to protect ourselves from being overcome with shame. What normally becomes an internal, self-sustaining process of self-validation in the healthy, young adult remained infantile within us, and we instead became sophisticated in the ways of coercing acceptance from the world around us.”

All that power, all that money, all that fame, and the incredibly public nature of Michael’s celebrity created an identity struggle. How could he express himself sexually, or have any form of intimacy with another gay man, while being a public figure who still lived in the closet?

#MeQueer

I hope Kevin Spacey gets the help he needs to overcome his shame. I hope that the people who have accused him of assault receive the means needed to help them heal.

The #MeToo movement is helping dissolve the foundations of those with immense power and privilege. It’s nothing short of an evolution of humane rights.

We have a long way to go

We need to be very careful of maintaining the ethical construct of innocent until proven guilty.

But we have more than a single power structure to disable.

The power of the closet is reinforced by heteronormativity. Gay shame is part of a much larger, and far more complex power structure than individuals in power positions, like actors and movie producers.

[horrible-monstrosity]

Those last three episodes of Steven Universe: a mini-essay

JUST FUCK ME UP

kevin party, donner party, what's the differenfe

hey guys, remember when lion disappeared? i legitimatedly don't. he ran off with connie or something and even though lars is probably in mortal peril and lion's the only way to get to him... naw don't need him. even though now steven's all worried bout lion he didn't give a shit enough earlier to search for him just for lion's own sake. nothing matters.

the party sadie and co fucked off to in the last episode and the tit-ular kevin party are not one and the same. why not? because none of this matters. nothing fucking matters. just... some stuff happens and none of it ever fucking lines up or amounts to fucking anything. why is this show still airing?

Kevin thinking Steven's name is Clarence is the best if not only joke this show has produced in the last like twenty episodes. Or thirty. How long has this season been going for? How many episodes does this show have?...

kevin is allergic to dog but lion is still here ok. the joke is he think lion it dog but the fact he hasn't like broke out in hives should maybe tell him something?.......

So the crux of this episode is, Kevin gives Steven this patriarchal man male romantic advice which basically amounts to "have a good time and don't be a sniveling soyball" and is entirely reasonable. But since this is Steven fucking Universe, it's clearly absolutely fucking terrible. I mean, maybe it's not the perfect solution for *this* particular situation, but why the fuck would he know that? Is he supposed to read Steven and Connie's fucking minds? Why does the feminist solution to problems so commonly require the male reading peoples' fucking minds? It's a perfectly fucking reasonable piece of general advice, and Kevin even seems to be at least the littlest bit actually concerned about Steven's love life issues beyond getting the cool quantum-tranny Stevonnie at his party... but no, he's gotta be wrong, because he's the designated small-time patriarchal oppressor and 84opposition to the gender revolution.

connie assumes that steven doesn't want to talk to her not because she's been bitching at him and been doing shit like accusing him of being friends with kevin leaving him to wonder what he's done wrong... but because he's friends with kevin, obviously. female accountability and logic at 0%

kevin doesn't know how to friends. are we supposed to hate him or feel sorry for him? ... never mind, both of those options are equally depressing with the way the show treats him.

connie likes steven's maximum soy pink polo shirt, because the way to get grils is to treat yourself like a defective woman who needs re-estrogenizing and soy yourself up. just fucking go cry at her and wear the soy clothes she bought you and drip snot upon her. bitches love snot and then even though steven said kevin had his heart broken and it looks like they have some sympathy for him connie goes "lol ofc he did" and he falls in the pool and they shit on him. fuck this gay earth the rebellion was a mistake homeworld did nothing wrong

So... what the fuck was the conflict here again? Seems like the only thing keeping Steven and Connie from making up was bad timing and mutual awkwardness. Did anyone learn anything from this, aside from Steven discovering he needs to get even more soyful if he wants to inject his gem cummies into a strong big-nosed short-haired minority female someday? Did any of this fucking matter?

Also, I've no idea if this is just fan conjecture or what, but apparently the "Sabina" (because yeah that's a name normal people hsve) who fucked Kevin up is actually the le mysterious pink-haired person mute lesbo who hit it off with Pearl forever ago and probably showed up again at some point in the last X episodes but I don't fucking remember it. You... you... how did you manage to make this even worse? So not only is Kevin terrible and wrong and evil for existing, and for hitting on hot five-gendered quasi-minority manchicks at parties, and for giving reasonable advice... he hit on a thicc pink turbo-lesbo and we're supposed to hate him for that, too. Just... how the fuck do I put this? It's like... stupid fucking cis straight normal fucking a white male, thinking this world is full of other normal people like yourself- the real Earth's population is 99% minority queer demigender faggosexuals, how dare you think you can get into a normal heterosexual relationship with a female of the species? He tried some normal human courtship instead of feminist-approved all-gendered-yet-female-oriented interactions fit only for mentally-deficient degenerate aliens, so he deserved to have his heart trampled on. She's a stryng fymyle fat womyn person, you fucking piece of shit, not some thing for you to treat like (an object/your property/an animal/whatever) by treating her like a normal human being. You're shit, normies are shit, and treating a transcendant gender-goddyss as equal to yourself is oppressive. Or... some fucking shit like that. fuck i don't know whatever

-

c'mon plot it's time to go the fuck back into space already!!! It occurs to me that Connie (probably, I don't fucking know) knew all this time Lars was trapped in spacedanger and Lion was the only thing Steven or anyone else on Earth could use to rescue him, but she decided to fuck off with him anyway. Because why? Because her selfish little emotional snit over Steven valuing her life is more important than Lars' own fucking life? Remind me, why are we supposed to like Connie again? Also why did Lion stay with her this entire time anyway? Usually he just fucks off and does whatever he wants. He never wandered back to Steven?

Connie immediately shows her ignorance and downplays the situation as a fun and funny adventure, steven and connie in space o ho ho! an attitude which hey you know might be conducive to PEOPLE THINKING YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FIT TO HANDLE YOURSELF IN SPACE AND THEY SHOULD LEAVE WITHOUT YOU TO PROTECT YOU... Pretty fucking retarded thing to say after all that bitching about... no, wait a minute, Connie never said anything about being treated like Steven's equal or being coddled, did she? I mean, she barely said anything about anything because this was an underdeveloped aborted fetus of an arc, but the entire crux of this disagreement really was just... #

god fluorite still creeps me the fuck out. She's basically some magna-tranny that's gone through eight different transitions of like three genders each and gained a new fat roll for each one. Is this supposed to make me like "diverse" people? Because it's not working. Every single second of her vocal drone grating across my eardrums makes me want ever more to perpetuate a holocaust against the legbutt people. Eugh. two children are all we need to save lars, don't bother bringing garnet or any of those other fucking main characters we have lying around or anything naw fuckit

On some level I almost enjoy how few fucks Lars has come to give, even doing shit like spouting the aesop he was just given as a kewl one-liner as he (kind of) trounces the bad guy... but still, it's all off-screen development that raises a lot of questions. Maybe it's just the change in environment and the lack of anyone to try and impress (the shitgems sure as hell aren't the cool kids) that's brought this out of him- that almost makes sense, but there's nothing indicating that's the case... or anything's the case, really. Maybe it's just some kind of tangential stockholm syndrome where I'm happy to see something actually fucking happening, I don't fucking know.

also how did they steal the ship? they """explain""" but... they really don't. They're just that good because take our word for it lars is really happy for those clean pants. how much did he shit himself over the past couple weeks

And then shit gets terrible again. Lars is more triggered over sadie than his own parents... because of fucking course he is. No, she wasn't worried sick, she was faffing around whining about having to do your work for you or having to work at all and then fucking quitting her job to go become a marxist rock guitarist. Hey, remember the purple cake incident? Lars was legitimately fucked up over his social anxiety and his inability to hang with the cool kids despite wanting so badly to do so, so Sadie just fucking around with them like it's nothing because she really is barely worried about his wellbeing... yeah, I think that shit's gonna fuck him up a little bit.

But no, Steven basically just... tells him to get the fuck over it. Because, like, he's not there so she can do whatever the fuck she wants, immediately. Fuck is this shit? Like all of five minutes into the episode Steven just starts fucking explaining this shitty twisted aesop to both Lars and the audience. Yeah man, you go die in space, your gf can immediately go do everything you ever angsted over with ease and I'll come rub it in your face and you should just fucking get over it because u totes love her that much, lol. *You* aren't entitled to your own emotions.

Oh and then Steven compares Sadie's faffing to Lars's fucking comandeering a space ship in order to keep himself alive. Because the woman's feelsies are equivalent to the man's fucking life. Guys, what the fuck am I watching?...

I think this is one of those... things... this show does, where it at first vaguely approaches something that would pass for a normal human cognitive outputting, but then turns, farts in your face like that sexy alien from Star Wars and flits off like Tinkerbell leaving you confused and asmellied. Where in an attempt to create an unthought new aesop never before cognizized by mankind it ends up with a bizarre twisted mess.

At the very least Steven maybe shoulda thought twice before bringing some of those photos. "Oh, look how well your abusive not-gf has been doing without you! Befriending everyone you ever wanted to befriend but couldn't because you need a fucking therapist! Yeah that'll make him feel better". Hey, remember when Steven was empathic, you guise? I mean that being thrown the fuck out was part of what defines this arc, but come on...

It also severely hurts the thing that it's played out so fast. Lars is #triggered by the photos, okay, but then Steven immediately gets on his case and REEEEEs at him for... trying to destroy Sadie's something or other, because I don;t fucking know feminism is the radical idea that a man's emotional freedom is so disgusting it'll destroy a pure beautiful deserving woman from a distance of a thousand light-years in a fucking instant- Calm your fucking tits, Steven Sugar, we're in the middle of fucking space, Lars has no way of destroying Sadie's whatever the fuck it was he was supposed to be destroying. Let him have his knee-jerk reaction. Also, all of a week or a month away from your best friend slash romantic interest is enough you should expect she's moved on from you completely. Okay.

... Hey, wait a minute, I thought Kevin Praty taught us that sniveling was the way to get all the pretty wymyn? What might have changed between then and now, a difference of one entire episode? ... No, really, I have no fucking clue. This time, the contradiction is so fucking incoherent I can't even turn it into "because Sugar and feminists like her place female emotions above all else". The only way I can see it is if shitting on certain types of males is equal to or higher than muh womans, as the Kevin Party incident was twisted specifically to work at Kevin's expense. ... It's funny how this runs completely opposite what I'd think most people would find healthy. If the person you're hurt over is nowhere fucking near you then get it out of your system, but don't go dumping all your emotional baggage on them at a fucking party. This show wants us to bottle up our emotions when there's no fucking reason to at all but mainline emotional diarrhea in the most inappropriate of situations. what is this shit?

lol the crew are made so fucking useless just by a single fucking photo phone just take it from him One of the shitgems calls Stevvie "friends"... plural. they aren't a singular "they". SOC JUS FAUX PAS

man i can;t believe stevonnie;s fucking dead to bad the show ended here guys i guess homeworld can just go take over the world now. it's better this way

-

This was apparently some sort of special event called "Stranded", but the stranding only lasts one episode. Oooooookay.

This one is entirely just a nitpick, but I find it so strangely interesting from a writing perspective that I just can't leave it out... The "everything is broken" joke is like three lines long and two lines two long. Stevonnie is like, man what's broken and we're shown the readout from the ship showing everything flashing red, okay... and then she's like, ohhh man wow look almost everything it broken?? who expect that ha ha. And then she says, at least the screen works... and that immediately gets broken. Ha haaaaa. I dunno bout you, but I woulda laughed more if they'd just cut it short- have Stevonnie see the screen and go "oh, everything" or even just "oh", in that high-pitched, slightly breathy tone of voice that says "well, shit". Then crash. Boom, short sweet and to the point and gives you like ten more seconds this episode to spend on the plot of the epi- oh wait

Stevonnie is stranded on spaceplanet because no communications, but... xei have magic. Just... shoot some magic fireworks or start a magic fire for smoke signals. Or a normal fire, even. If the problem is that random new green gem will also find you if you do this... actually mention that. Steven and Connie don't even seem to consider sending a physical signal of any kind, even though it should be an obvious idea.

And then Stevenconnie just... finds a random alien species? And casually eats it? This... this just raises so many questions... Throughout the entire run of this show up until this date, the only alien species we've seen has been the gems. The center of the entire show, something that's been continually developed (if not consistently, coherently or well)- there's a decent amount of thought put into how these lifeforms that're completely unlike anything on Earth function, both in biology and society, with some degree of interplay between the two. The show was kept focused on the effects of Rose's rebellion and events related to it, and we avoided all the extra thought, logic and possible scientific plot holes that would be brought into existence by trying to create and balance multiple forms if alien life from multiple different origins. But now they just... dumped this stuff on in there? Because why

This is at once the first new alien species we've seen since the very beginning of the show, the first organic species, the first animalistic/non-sentient species, and the first found in it's alien habitat... and not only are a fucking bunch of them all introduced at once, they're thrown in casually and Stevonnie fucking eats most of them. What the fuck? There's no thought put into these things either, they're just a bunch of wacky squacky animals mainly comprised of random Earth animal parts. There's no logic to how they work, why they exist, how they evolved like this, they're just... wacky funny animals for no reason. Fuck you. After the series up until this point has focused on developing one species with an entirely different biology, history and culture from humans, with all of those things to at least some degree influencing or connected to each other, seeing these critters introduced just at random with no logic or context is incredibly jarring. This was such a fucking bad idea...

Also Stevonne eats the fucking fruits and animals and drinks the water because all planets just have human-compatible food species and good old motherfucking H2O I guess

stevonnie has more stubble than steven ever did because i hate life and i hate everything. this is disgusting. It's even distributed weirdly; instead of being on ziouir's chin it spreads up either side of zoidrgh's face and actually on to the cheeks. And we just have to see it's fugly little cheekstubble for the entire fucking rest of the episode. gagh

And then we get to this... really weird dream sequence where some really weird writing decisions are made. It starts off in Connie's house with Connie's mom... uh, rising up out of the carpeting, but Stevonnie identifies them as "my house" and "my mom". Stevonnie is both Steven and Connie, but given we're used to Steven being the main character and usual viewpoint throughout the entire series this comes off as though it's Steven saying this is "his house/mom". But, you know, they're not. And for any fan who's not devoted enough to commit to memory which character's household interior this is, it's misleading until Connie's mom shows up and then confusing after that. Why the fuck did the writers decide to write the scene like this? Why not have Stevonnie go "my, uh, your, uh, Connie's house" or some shit? Or just remove this part entirely because it gets really weird when the mom starts talking about EXTERMINATING ORGANIC LIFE and setvonnie notices nothing. Then the mom turns into this... weird brownwashed minority fusion version of YD with a big ol' jellyglob of Conmom's hair slapped onto the back of her head. What is this shit? if you're going to make it a meaningful dream you can't just do random shit like that. stop mixing messages. Just... stop. why did they choose to do this, and with Conmom specifically? If it's supposed to imply PD and YD's relationship is like Connie and her mom's... well first of all, that doesn;t fucking work because PD is nothing like Connie at all. But ignoring that, if it's supposed to imply YD is some sort of a parental figure to PD... why Connie's mom? She's not particularly important, and we don;t know her all that well. If it's not a comparison to her specifically and it's just that she parent... why Connie;s mom? Of all the parental figures in the show, because... I don't know, this is dumb fuck this

Though once that shit stops I actually almost like this dream sequence. Having our main character taking the place of PD in the dream, reliving her memories, it not being clear we "are" PD and that Stevonnie is acting out this memory rather than acting under xfer own will until we get to the mirror scene, where Stevonnie punches the reflection of PD while their own appearance remains the same... that's pretty fucking nice. This might also be a manifestation of that Stockholm syndrome I mentioned earlier, though. PD wants things and is frustrated with her current situation. She tries to get what she wants by bitching at someone else to give it to her, sure, but the way she storms off on her own and punches the mirror implies she wants to change things, there's just something holding her back. She has a trajectory. Apparently the fnadom hates her for being a brat, but I almost like her. ..... bets are open on how long it takes for the writers to completely fuck this up.

and then steven and connie just go home and who fucking cares nothing mattersfuck this show

... It seems the fandom has latched on to PD being an off-color because she's small (because height is a color what the fuck is that term why is it that). Like the rich family that hides their embarrassing retarded offspring in the basement, I guess. (i still crackship lars with kevin by the way)

[huntertales]

Part Four: Back in Business. (We Need to Talk About Kevin S08E01)

Episode Summary: Two years have passed since the unexpected death of the reader. Sam and Dean Winchester have continued without their hunting partner, believing that she is gone forever. However an accidental run in on a college campus makes the boys wonder if someone they had lost has come back from the dead, the reader. Dean quickly realizes it’s her. But there’s one problem, she has no idea who she really is. Will the boys be able to get her memories back and figure out what happened? Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 6,324.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

You managed to dry off most of the soapy water you accidentally got a taste of after Kevin jumped you and the boys, thinking you were the monster. You discovered why it tasted so bad when you asked them, leading them to figure out more about these leviathan creatures you heard about on the car ride here to Iowa. It turns out sodium borate, or Borax, a chemical compound found in most cleaning supplies, was what really hurt them. It was like throwing holy water in the face of a demon or cutting a shifter with silver. The stuff didn't kill them, but it was the only thing that hurt them long enough to fend them off.

The boys found out when Sheriff Jody Mills, who you had met a few years back while working a case in Sioux Falls, accidentally spilled a bucket full of cleaner while cleaning Bobby's cabin. It seemed sort of...comical to hear that a cleaning substance was the very weakness of something that sounded so powerful and intimidating. You couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle when Sam was the one who explained it to you while Kevin fetched some towels, but he didn’t seem amused as you were. You shrugged your shoulders and took the towel when Kevin came back. You felt like you dodged a bullet not being around while dealing with those pesky things.

"So, let's just recap what I've missed over the past few years. You're a prophet of the Lord who, unlike the last one we met, only can read these word of God tablet. Which is what you used to defeat these leviathans. And then you got kidnapped by Crowley, only to escape. Which I was told about, but not the fact that Dean got sent to purgatory. Thanks for the freaking heads up." You hissed at the older Winchester as you turned your head to give him a dirty glare. "And Sam apparently hit a dog. I’m guessing all of this happened in the span of last year. The year before you guys were dealing with this huge Dick?"

"That's what she said." Dean  jumped on the opportunity to make a remark on your wording that wasn’t meant to be funny, more of an accidental slip of the tongue. Your glare didn’t change as Sam rolled his eyes from his brother’s childish tendency. The older Winchester thought he was funny. He directed his attention away from your annoyed expression and crossed arms to the familiar devil’s traps on the floor. “Who taught you all of this?”

Kevin took a few steps into the church and said, “I guess...God.”

"God taught you how to trap demons?" Sam repeated the younger man, finding his answer the least bit strange. The God you knew had been long silent. You had a feeling during your time away He didn't all of a sudden get a change in heart to help out one of his prophets defend himself against a bunch of demons. "Wait, wait, hold on. Crowley kidnapped you. I saw that. But then you left a message saying you escaped. How?"

“Well...First, he took me to a warehouse.” Kevin said, recollecting on the memory as he told you and the boys to catch the three of you to speed on what happened to him. “There was a tablet there, like the last one.”  

"Wait, so there's another tablet? So another word of God." Dean suspected. You furrowed your brow slightly from hearing all this mention of all these tablets. From what you remembered Sam telling you about them, they were the spoken word of God written down for only a prophet to read. The first one they discovered was of the leviathans, you wondered what this one that made Crowley go through all this trouble into kidnapping Kevin and have him read it. "How many words of God are there?”

“I just became a prophet, like, a year ago.” Kevin said. His response made the ends of your lips stretch into a slight smirk from his bit of sass to the older Winchester.

“Well, did this tablet have a name?” Sam asked.

"'Demons.'" Kevin answered. Your eyes narrowed slightly in curiosity as you asked him what it said about them. "As far as I could tell...everything."

Kevin told you and the boys about what he could read from the tablet about demons under Crowley's supervision. He went on about how he couldn't read much, but what he read was something about hell gates. You didn't have a good feeling about the mention of the very thing you had dealt with once before. Way back in the day, when Azazel was still alive, his goal was getting over the red tape that Samuel Colt himself had put up himself to stop any demon from opening up a door. It seemed that it wasn’t the only one. You crossed your arms tighter over your body as you asked Kevin about these hell gates.

“There’s one in Wisconsin. The tablet told me how to open it. There were ingredients for a spell.”

“You showed the king of hell how to open a hell gate?” Dean questioned the kid before he could finish his story, thinking he knew the ending. “So that all the demon's in hell could come out at the same time?”

“What? No. I told Crowley I was opening up a hell gate, but I was reading from another chapter.” Kevin said. You had only known Kevin for all of ten minutes but you had a feeling from the story he told alone you already liked him. Your lips stretched into a smirk as he continued on. “How to destroy demons.”

Dean let out a chuckle as he broke out into a smile, “You son of a bitch.”

“Wait, Kevin.” Sam said, bringing up an important question. “Where’s the tablet now?”

“Safe.” The younger man answered.

Sam thought the information was a little bit vague, “Safe where?”

"Hey. As long as it's safe, okay?" You stopped the younger Winchester from demanding to know the exact location. "Were you able to read anything else off the tablet before stashing it?"

“Only the stuff about closing the gates of hell. Forever.” Kevin said. You found yourself letting out a quiet scoff from how your hearing failed you. You asked again what he said, wondering if your brain was fooling you, or if the words out of the prophet’s mouth were true. “Banish all demons off the face of the earth, lock them away forever. That could be important, right?”

You were stricken silent at hearing the piece of information that you could only dream about. And it took a lot to make you this way. You slowly looked over at the boys to see they were taken back as you were from hearing this. It seemed too good to be true. But it wasn’t. "Closing the gates of hell forever?" Dean repeated what he heard from Kevin, who stood there with a smile of his own. "Yeah. Yeah, that could be important."

While you were over the moon about hearing this sort of news that could change everything, you found it a bit odd that Sam wasn't enthusiastic as the rest of you were. Sam nodded his head to the doorway the three of you came in. You followed behind the boys, stepping out to the porch to give the three of you a moment away from Kevin. You weren't sure what was going on here, but you had a feeling the few years that you were away old feelings had risen to the surface, things that you thought you were long buried.

“Okay, if this kid is right, he’s sitting on a bombshell. Hell, he is the bomb.” Dean said. Sam put both hands on the banister and leaned forward. You noticed that he didn’t seem so thrilled about all of this. “What?”

“That.” Sam mumbled. “I mean, there’s no way that Kevin’s getting out of this intact, is there?”

"Well, I've only known the kid for all of five minutes, but from what I've seen he's doing pretty well for himself so far.” You said. You found the remark Sam muttered underneath his breath about getting out a tad bit off. “There’s no running from something like this, Sam. You of all people should know that.”

"Y/N's right.” Dean said, agreeing with your blunt truth in the matter. “Kevin’s in it, whether he likes it or not."

It seemed Sam found his brother's remark a bit funny as his lips twitched into a smirk before it disappeared. "So...free will, that's only for you?"

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.  Sam, we have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. We take Kevin to the tablet, he tells us the spell, we send every demon back to hell—forever.” Dean said. He thought that would be enough to get his brother back on board with this plan. But the younger Winchester still stared off into the distance with the same solemn expression. You had a feeling it wasn’t about putting Kevin in danger. “Every single bastard that destroyed our lives. Killed our mother, killed Jess. Y/N’s parents. And you’re not sure?”

Sam shrugged his shoulders and pushed himself up to a standing position, not wanting to discuss this matter anymore with either one of you. You watched as he headed inside the church again, leaving you and Dean by yourselves. You might have been gone for two years, but you would never forget how the boys interacted with one another. Something was off between the both of them. Had something happened that left them that made them act...off? Whatever it was, you were going to get to the bottom of it, along with a few other things while you were at it.

+ + +

You ambushed the older Winchester outside when Sam said he wanted a few minutes alone to talk to Kevin about something you didn’t ask about. You found Dean with the trunk popped open and him finding all sorts of things the three of you needed to prepare yourselves. You crossed your arms over your chest and slowly made your way forward to the man, walking until you were leaning against the side of the Impala and watched as Dean, in full concentration, gathered all sorts of things and shoved them in the same faded army green duffel bag you and the boys had been using for years. Your lips stretched into a smile when he looked up and saw you standing right next to him.

Dean thought you wandered out here to give the both of you some privacy. He returned the smile as he forgot what he was doing. However before he could lean forward and do what he thought you wanted, you stopped him when you promptly backed away from him and put your index finger just inches from his lips. “When were you going to tell me you were in purgatory?”

You raised your brow as you crossed your arms over your chest again, giving him the indication that you weren’t going to back out of this conversation until you got an answer. Dean let out a sigh. “Soon.” He said. Your expression showed him you didn’t believe a single world he said. “You just got back, sweetheart. I didn’t want to bombard you with everything while you were—“

“Supposedly dead? Well, here I am. What you’re not gonna do is coddle me. I might have been gone for two years, but I’m still the same person. Hell, I’m better. I'm the new and improved me. And....well, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like crap." You told the man. Dean found himself smiling at your blunt behavior he missed so much. You didn’t let that brief moment of happiness stop you from getting to the bottom of this situation. Your expression changed into a softer one as you asked him again. "What happened in there, Dean?”

You heard stories about the place and Crowley's desperate attempts at trying to find the place for the sake of the souls. But you didn't see it first hand. Dean contemplated for a long moment if he wanted to talk about it again. He knew you wouldn't stop bugging him until he told you just a little bit of the truth. “It was bloody. Messy. Thirty-one flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like three-sixty-degree combat.” Dean said. You listened to the story about what the man had been through over the past year. A blank, serious expression crossed his face as he recollected on the memory fresh in his mind. "But there was something about being there. Felt pure."

Purgatory was a place where everything wicked that you were taught to hunt ended up there, every monster you could think of didn't land in hell or heaven. They were sent to a place where it was nothing but nonstop fight for your life. And Dean was sent there after killing Dick Roman. You found his last words sort of...haunting, in a way. You didn't understand why he would find a place like that "pure" as he called it. To Dean, it was a place where he spent three hundred and sixty five days of his life running. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat. All he did was track down the monsters his father told him to kill. It was the thrill of the kill, winning the battle against the enemy.

"And what about Sam?" You asked him. "He apparently hit a dog..."

"Right." Dean cleared his throat, concentrating again on the conversation when he found himself drifting into his personal thoughts. “Short version of it: Sam hit a dog, met a woman named Amelia and retired from hunting for a year. Guess he needed a break from everything."

You furrowed your brow slightly from what you heard. You looked back over at the church where the younger man was currently in with Kevin, the prophet he abandoned for a year, talking. You wondered what about. Was he apologizing to the kid for abandoning him for all this time? In the beginning of hunting with the boys Sam was the one who wanted out of this lifestyle he known since he was a baby. He wanted college, a girlfriend and no monsters to fight. But he quickly learned that wasn’t possible after he had all of that taken away. So he stuck with hunting and saved people because that’s what he always known to do.

What made you upset was the fact that he left everything and a poor kid behind who was dragged into this mess against his will. Much as all of you craved a normal life, you knew it was time to get serious when lives were in danger. If Sam really saw Kevin get kidnapped by Crowley, why didn't he do anything about it? You let out a sigh as you thought about a question that made you feel slightly guilty over the decisions you made while in a bitter state. Would have things been different if you didn’t want to have a break from your life?

"Well, if Sam wanted out so badly, why didn't he leave Kevin with Bobby?"

You asked the question out of sheer curiosity, knowing damn well it was wishful thinking that things wouldn't have completely fallen apart while you were gone. You and the boys died what felt like a thousand times over again, but you didn't think the man you thought as your own father would ever be gone. Bobby was always there when you needed him the most. It seemed the mention of the older man’s name sent almost a pained expression on Dean’s face. You could feel your shoulders slumping when you knew. You seen that face before.

You could feel your heart suddenly stop as your eyes began to unwillingly water at the thought. But you didn't let yourself think it, you didn't let yourself believe that was such a thing. You quickly cleared your throat and sniffled only once before forcing yourself to think of another question, another person that you were missing here. All of a sudden you remembered Cas, the pesky angel who was the reason why you spent two years playing a different person, and much longer if the boys didn’t realize it themselves.

"What about Cas?" You wondered about the angel. "Where's he?"

"Purgatory. He got sent there with me when we killed Dick, together." Dean explained to you. You seemed rather surprised to hear the news. The last time you saw the angel you would have wished him dead and spat in his face. But time passed, and it seemed Cas had learned that power really wasn't worth all of it. "The wall in Sam's head collapsed after you were gone. And it was bad. Everything he went through in the cage came out. And he had a constant Lucifer on his shoulder 24/7. It got to the point where he couldn't sleep he was going crazy. Luckily...Cas came to the rescue. He really helped Sammy get better."

"God, if I knew things were going to be this bad..." You muttered, letting out a breath as you suddenly felt guilty over the choices you made. You looked up at the older Winchester with a solemn expression. "I should have been here for you guys. I shouldn't have wanted to get out—"

"Hey, you're back. And that's all that matters, sweetheart. Besides, I think we managed without you. Barely—but we managed." Dean said. You couldn't help yourself but smile slightly. You found yourself mindlessly playing with the ring on the same finger that you had almost lost, Dean noticed that it was the diamond ring that signified a life long commitment. "Remember Becky? Creepy number one fan of those books, dated Chuck Shurley before he dumped her?"

“What? They broke up?” You quickly looked up at the older Winchester with surprise at what you just heard. Dean found your reaction a little weird, prompting you to roll your eyes. “I set them up. I thought they were cute. And I thought it would somehow help with her unhealthy obsession with Sam."

"Well, it didn't. She had the brilliant idea of trying to sell her soul to a demon to make Sammy fall in love with her. The two of them were at some church trying to elope. It was hilarious." Dean said. You found yourself breaking out into a smile as you let out a quiet laugh from the thought alone. "I mean, she could have been the first Mrs. Winchester."

Your lips stretched into a smirk at the mention of a title that you were secretly thinking about for the longest time. You raised your brow as you wandered closer to the older Winchester and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Hmm. What a tragedy that would have been.”

"It sure would have, sweetheart." Dean whispered. You felt his arms snake around your waist, pulling you closer to him as humanly possible. Your eyes wandered away from the handsome face you loved so much and to the pair of lips you had been thinking nonstop about. You let out a giggle when you felt Dean lean forward, capturing you into a kiss that you had been wanting to do since you first remembered him. It was every bit romantic and mesmerising from the last time you shared a moment like this. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

“Long as I have, I bet." You said. You quickly pecked him on the lips before you dropped your hands so they were now resting on his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Dean said. You felt a sense of happiness come over you at hearing three little words you didn’t hear very often from him. But each time it never ceased to make you feel overjoyed. You were about ready to get back to the church, thinking your heart to heart was over. Before you could move, you suddenly felt Dean's hands sneak a grab somewhere that made you let out a small gasp of surprise. "God, I missed this ass."

“Dean!" You hissed at him, slapping his hands away. You refrained yourself from smiling as you shook your head, attempting to make it seem like you weren't in the mood for his behavior. “It’s nice to know some things never change.”

+ + +

You headed back into the church and spent the next hour trying to occupy yourselves of trying to figure out what all of you wanted to do. Since you knew there was a way to close the gates of hell forever, you couldn’t just get the tablet. You needed time and a plan. However it seemed none of those things were going to be a possibility today. You were sitting on one of the pews when you felt something strange happen. You looked down at the ground when you felt what you believe was vibrations, and it was. Slowly it increased more until the entire floorboards were jumping out of place, destroying the devil’s trap Kevin had set up himself. You mentally cursed to yourself, knowing exactly who was in charge of this mess.

There was only one demon-killing knife between the three of you. Dean didn't think twice about giving his brother the knife for protection, which pissed you off slightly, but you had two hands to beat the hell out of however many demons Crowley sent your way. You pushed yourself up to your feet as Dean pulled something out from the duffel bag, a weapon that looked make shifted out of wood and stone carved to a sharp point. You furrowed your brow and cautiously asked what the hell that was, Dean replied it was purgatory. You quickly dropped your hand to your side, wondering if it was from the place, and how many people he had to kill with it.

Not too long after getting prepared for the worst, you heard the double doors being kicked wide open, revealing the two goons the king himself sent after you and the boys. How they managed to find you was a mystery. You stepped back and made your way over to Kevin when you saw two smiling demons, seeming happy to spot a few fellow hunters they heard rumors about.

“Dean Winchester. Back from purgatory.” The first demon spoke up, noticing right away the fellow oldest hunter of the infamous Winchester family was back. You narrowed your eyes slightly when you saw his gaze linger over to you. "Y/N Y/L/N, we all thought you were good as dead. Where they been hiding you all this time, sweetheart?”

“Needed a vacation after what your piss poor king did to me. Well...tried to do. Look at how that turned out. I know all of you missed me. I missed killing your asses. So come on." You taunted them, your lips stretch into a smirk. "I'll tell you what I'm gonna tell your boss when I see him: Suck it, bitches."

The demons didn't seem to find your welcoming words the least bit nice. You took another step back and watched as each of them charged forward, but before they could get close to you or Kevin, the boys attempted to take them down. Dean went after one as Sam attacked the other. You might have been out of the game for the past few years, but you weren't out of practice. The boys attempted to try and take down the demons before they could do anything stupid. However it didn't take much time until Sam found himself losing the fight when he was accidentally taken off guard, sending him and the knife tumbling to the floor.

You suddenly saw the demon coming in your direction, giving you no chance to defend yourself. But before he could lay a finger on you, Kevin acted quickly, grabbing a bottle of holy water and squirting it in the demon's face, giving you enough time to snatch the knife up from the floor. You quickly plunged the blade into the demon’s back, killing him instantly. You quickly looked forward to see that Dean was winning the fight, but barely. He had managed to slam the demon into a table, but the demon had his hands wrapped around Dean’s neck, squeezing the life out him. You raced forward and stabbed the remaining demon straight in the heart, making him release the grip around Dean’s neck, giving him a chance to finally breathe.

“My God.” You muttered, inhaling a deep breath from the chaos that had just unfolded right in front of your very eyes. You looked over your shoulder to see that Sam was back on his feet and Dean was catching his breath after nearly being strangled to death. “How did the both of you survive this long without me?”

"Hello, boys." Most of the time you were lucky enough to deal with some of the goons that Crowley sends over, thinking a few of his best were enough to take down you and the boys. But it seemed you were in the presence of royalty tonight from the familiar accent you heard from behind. You felt the grip around the knife tighten as you looked over your shoulder to see the demon you hadn't seen in two long years, since he got the idea to try and kill you. Your expression hardened in anger when you spotted a young woman behind him. However your attention only lingered on her for a moment before you looked back over at Crowley. “Kitten. My, it’s been a while. Hasn’t it? You're looking refreshed."

"Yeah. Two years off can really do wonders for a girl. And, of course, last time I saw your ugly face I wasn't looking my best. But thanks to your brilliant schemes I’m finally human. I never got to personally thank you for that." You said, giving him a forced smile. "I see the whole purgatory plan fell through. I hope Cas passed on my message."

“Yes. And what way of words you have. Frankly I’m glad you’re back in business. I was missing our witty banter we used to pass on back and forth. And speaking of, Dean. You’re looking… Well, let’s just say purgatory didn’t do you any favors.” Crowley tried his hardest to greet the older Winchester with a friendly compliment, but the demon found himself falling short. The demon looked around at the four of you, expecting someone in a trench coat to be around here somewhere, but it seemed Castiel was missing. “Where’s your angel?”

“Ask your mother.” Dean replied.

“There’s that grade-school zip. Missed  it. I really did.” Crowley said. You rolled your eyes as the demon’s attention lingered over to the tallest Winchester. “Moose. Still with the pork chops. I admire that.”

“Let Channing go.” Kevin suddenly spoke up, demanding the young woman standing behind the demon to be set free. You furrowed your brow slightly, having a feeling she was someone that Kevin had personally known.

“That’s not Channing, Kevin.” Dean said. “Not anymore.”

“What an awful thing to say to the boy. Of course it’s Channing.” Crowley said, pretending to be offended at the accusation. He directed his attention to the prophet. “Kev. Last time we danced, you stole my tablet and killed my men. Tell you what. Come with me now, bygones. And I’ll let the girl go back to...what’s-the-point u.”

“He’s lying.” Dean spoke up, thinking he could see right through the demon’s lies that sounded too good to be true if they were. “You won’t get Channing back. She’s probably dead already.”

Crowley let out a sigh from the accusation, "Will you please stop saying that? Let the girl speak."

It took the snap of Crowley’s fingers for the real Channing to come out, reassuring all of you she was perfectly fine. She blinked, making the black eyes of the demon possessing her disappear, as the real her began to piece together what was going on. Her gaze went over to someone she recognized from the smile that stretched across her lips. “Kevin? What’s going on?”

“There’s a demon in you, and you're going to your safety school. But it’s gonna be okay.” Kevin tried explaining the situation to his girlfriend in the seconds they had together. Crowley found all of this boring, and with another snap of his finger, the demon possessing Channing was back front and center. It left Kevin with not many options left. “Okay. I’ll do it. Myself for the girl. But this ends. All right? No fighting, no nothing. It ends.”

“Can’t let you do that, buddy.” You said.

“Or what? You’ll kill me?” Kevin questioned you. You gave him a look to show him you weren't the least bit amused by his sass, Crowley found the banter all too amusing as he let out a quiet chuckle. “I’ll grab my stuff.”

"Chin up, gentlemen.” Crowley reassured you and the boys. “I'm a professional."

"Professional at being a dick, maybe." You remarked back. “King of hell? Not so much.”

“This ain’t over by a long shot, Crowley.” Dean threatened the demon.

"Really, Dean, who writes your stuff? A marshmallow?" Crowley asked, not seeming to be the least bit amused. You rolled your eyes and tempted the idea of gutting the demon right here and now to get all of this over with. But you waited. Kevin was taking an awfully long time grabbing his stuff, and the demon was growing rather impatient with each passing second. He decided that after calling out the prophet's name twice he would see what was taking so long. However when he stepped in your direction, you tightened your grip around the knife and pointed it in his direction, showing you weren't afraid to use it on him. However it seemed the king had a trick up his sleeve. Suddenly the handle of the knife grew scorching hot, to the point where you dropped it. "Retract the claws, Kitten."

You opened your palm and examined the damage to your skin, forcing the demon to go on his way, Channing following behind. You rolled your eyes from the cheap trick he used on you as Dean picked up the knife to see if it was still hot, but it seemed that it was back to normal now. You and the boys waited for Kevin to finally come out with his belongings he'd been carrying around for the past year. However, as if you really think the kid was going to give up that easily, he had a trick up his sleeve to trap the demons long enough for the four of you to get the hell out of here.

“Guys, run!”

Kevin’s command echoed through the church, giving you and the boys the signal to do just that. You headed outside in record speed and headed for the backseat as the brothers swiftly opened up the front doors to the Impala. Kevin came out from the back he escaped from and joined you in the back. The four of you were off on the road, but Crowley wanted to make sure he left Kevin with some payback for what he did. The demon possessing his girlfriend disappeared, but it didn't leave Channing in one piece. Kevin watched as her neck twisted into an odd angle that you made you almost picture the snapping sound it made, and just like that, her dead body hit the ground. You gritted your teeth in what the poor kid had to watch unfold. You were going to get that son of a bitch, you thought. Even if it killed you.

+ + +

It was a day and a half drive until Dean thought it was safe enough for all of you to get some rest at a motel after stopping for gas. You wished that things could have ended differently back at the church, but Crowley knew better than to leave behind any survivors. It was one of the things Kevin was going to have to learn while being in this lifestyle. The people you love were going to get hurt. You checked all of you in with a credit card you found in the wallet that used to belong to Y/F/N. Heading back to the Impala with the room keys, you noticed that Kevin still had the same expression on his face since you were on the main road out of Iowa.

“Kevin?” You spoke the young man’s name in a soft tone. “How are you holding up?”

“Awesome. The king of hell just snapped my girlfriend’s neck.” Kevin answered your question, making you feel slightly guilty for asking. “How ‘bout you?”

You refrained yourself from rolling your eyes from his tone of voice alone. You shifted your gaze over to the boys, the three of you sharing a look of uneasiness at how things ended for the poor kid. He didn’t ask to be apart of this. Dean, however, wasn’t in the mood to coddle the kid. “All right, listen to me. I’m sorry about your girlfriend, I am. But the sooner you get this, the better. You’re in it now whether you like it or not. That means you got to do what you got to do.”

"Well, I think we could have approached that a little less blunt, but...Dean's got a point. You're in this situation. The best thing to do is keep your nose clean. I'm sorry about how things turned out. Maybe a good night's rest will make you feel a little better." You said. You outstretched your arm, giving Kevin the key to his own motel room. "Sam’s next door to you. Dean and I will be a few doors down if you need anything.”

Kevin snatched the key out of your hand and went on his way. Sam took the key from you with a smile and followed behind the kid, leaving you and his brother alone. You let out a faint sigh and looked over at the older Winchester. Much as this situation ended with a bitter ending, you were at least a bit happy you could spend the first night back to your old self with the man you loved. You lifted up the key room to show Dean and nodded your head to the motel. The both of you headed to the room and unlocked the door, revealing another run of the mill motel room with a queen sized bed.

"Weird to say this, but am I glad to see a motel room." You muttered, stepping inside the room as Dean followed behind. He shut the door and tossed the bags to the bed. You looked around the room to see that it was decently clean. "I'm gonna take a nice, long hot shower and a nap. We'll have dinner around six-ish?"

"Sounds good to me." Dean said. You smiled and leaned forward, pressing your lips against his before heading to the bag he packed you full of different clothes that were once Y/F/N. You didn't even want to know what the boys did with your old clothes. They probably got rid of them so they wouldn't have a constant reminder of you. As you were about to pull out some cleans and a clean shirt, Dean's phone started ringing. You furrowed your brow slightly and gave him a confused look, wondering who that could be. “Hello? Wrong number. Automated jackass.”

You laughed quietly as you bundled up the clothes into a pile. You made it a few steps to the bathroom before you found yourself stopping in your tracks. Something had been bothering you since last night. You wanted to ask when you mentioned his name, but you were too afraid to hear the answer. "Hey, Dean?" You heard the man let out a quiet hum as he looked over at you. You let out a sigh and forced yourself to ask the question burning in the back of your mind. "Is Bobby still alive?"

Dean flinched slightly at your question. He didn't answer you right away, but you had a feeling you knew from how he acted. He gestured a hand for you to come over. You sat on the bed with him as he wrapped an around your body, pulling you close to him, knowing this was going to be hard to hear. "He...He got captured while on a hunt. Dick Roman shot him in the head." Dean explained to you. The details of the situation made your eyes widen in horror as you inhaled a breath. Dean found himself smiling at the memory. "He didn't die right away. The son of a bitch fought for his life. Even after his death he helped us a few times. But...eventually me and Sam had to put him to rest."

You fell silent for a moment as you processed the information that you heard. You swallowed slightly as you realized the man you had viewed as a father figure passed away shortly after you did. At least, that's what he thought. He died thinking you were as well. You looked at the older Winchester as you tried to think about the kind of shenanigans Bobby pulled while being a ghost. But even the good memories couldn't stop the soul crushing reality that he was gone. Your smile slowly faded as your eyes began to glaze over with tears that you had been fighting off. Dean didn't say anything. He pushed you closer to him so your head was resting on his chest, letting you cry and mourn the loss of a man you thought would live forever.

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What Happened To Us?

Chapter 9: The trial of Chuck Clayton or Betty Cooper?

A/N: I edited this myself, so please be nice haha. Sorry for any mistakes!

Read the story on AO3

“Do you love Jughead Jones?” Yes. Betty wants to scream it for the world to hear, but she knows she can’t. She panics. Betty can feel herself beginning to sweat. She hates lying. She is the biggest advocate for the truth. This past year has turned her into a liar. She is buried so deep in her lies. She wants to tell the truth, but she knows that there will be no going back. Jughead definitely would never forgive her if she revealed the truth in such a public way.

She makes the mistake of looking down at Jughead whose eyes are locked on hers.

“Yes.” Betty catches her tongue quickly,”he has been one of my best friends since I was five years old. Of course I love him, he is like a brother to me.” Betty cringes at her words. A brother? Who has sex with their brother? Why would she say that? He is her boyfriend or ex boyfriend she's not sure. That is just gross.

“Incest.” Chuck coughs out. Betty cannot believe he is still being an immature douche while standing trial for attempted murder.

“Did you and the victim ever engage in sexual activity?” Alice Cooper leaps onto her feet. Oh no!

“How dare you! She is a fifteen year old girl!” Betty’s face turns bright red in embarrassment. For once she is grateful for her mother's craziness.

“Order! Mrs. Cooper, this is your first and final warning to not interrupt my court room. Only those who are allowed to can speak.” The prosecutor turns around to Mrs. Cooper and gives her an assuring look.

“The witnesses' mother is worried about her daughter and I agree with her objections. I object to that very inappropriate question. These are two minors and their sexual activity has no relevance to this case.”

“Due to the fact they are minors and the witnesses' legal guardian clearly objects to this question, objection sustained.” Betty let’s out a sigh of relief.

“Ms. Cooper what is your relation to my client Chuck Clayton?”

“We are classmates.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

“It seems that you have quite a fascination with my client.” Betty can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes.“Did you on the night of September 15, 2016 walk into Pop Tate’s Chock-lit shoppe and interact with my client?”

“Yes.”

“And you asked him out on a date?”

“I wouldn’t call it a date.” Betty would never ask Chuck on a date genuinely. She hates him, so much. Her blood boils just at the mention of his name.

“Ms. Cooper that is not an answer.”

“Sure.”

“I need a yes or no answer.”

“Yes.” Betty avoids Jughead’s eye contact. She cannot believe that this is being brought up right now. Chuck is going down no matter what. He is pure evil blasting her in front of the entire court room.

“When my client arrived at the pool house at home of your classmate Ethel Muggs did you lure him into getting into the hot tub?”

“I can’t lure him into anything. Your client went into the hot tub on his own free will.” Betty shut her eyes, she knew that she just set herself up. One of her talents is publicly speaking. Today she can’t say the right thing.

“Then why did you put muscle relaxers in his drink?” The crowd in the court room gasps.

“I did it because I wanted to scare him. I wanted to get him to confess about all of the girls at school he had been sexually harassing.”

“Do you know that this is not only illegal, but morally wrong to drug a human being.”

“I don’t think that you can really talk to me about morals.” Betty bites back.

“Ms. Cooper please refrain from the commentary. You are here to answer questions. Is it true that you continued your grudge against Chuck Clayton?”

“If seeking justice is a grudge then I guess yes. Otherwise no, I didn't continue my grudge. I don't live my life thinking about how to ruin Chuck Clayton's life. He does that himself.” She cannot help it. She doesn't have a dumb grudge against Chuck. She is justified in hating him. She sees him every night in her nightmares stabbing Jughead. She disliked him for all of the years that he bullied Jughead. She disliked him when he hurt Veronica and other girls are her school. She disliked him for his stunt at Jughead's birthday. She hates him for taking Jughead away from her.

“Why did you physically assault my client on October 25, 2016 then?”

“That is a reach.” Betty says annoyed. Chuck has set her up for her to slap him and they both knew it. Betty glares at Chuck who sits in his chair smiling at her.

“Your honor this girl keeps avoiding my question.” The defense lawyer whines like a little kid. The Clayton’s are spending all of their money on a lawyer that whines like this?

“Hi excuse me, ya my name is Elizabeth Cooper not this girl. Yes I hit Chuck after he got in my face making vulgar comments to me. I should not have hit him, but honestly I don’t feel bad about it. Your client, Chuck Clayton sexually harasses women, bullies students, and stabbed an unarmed man. A man that would never hurt anyone! You just watched it on the videotape yourself and you are still up here defending him because money can buy anything. I am willing to testify the truth about what happened, but I refuse to be put on trial.” Betty gets up from her seat.

“Ms. Cooper I am not done.”

“I am!” Betty gets up. Chuck Clayton grabs her arm on her way out.

“I am taking you down with me.” He says in a giddy voice.

“Bring it on! I have nothing to lose.” Betty spits back.

“Seeing him forget you is just too sweet.” Betty blinks back tears before running out of the court room.

She doesn’t care about how much trouble she is going to get into. She doesn’t care about her mother yelling at her later for slipping up in the spotlight. She just needed to get away from there.

Betty runs in her heels out of the court room. Her breathing picks up and she knows she cannot deny the panic attack that is about to take over her body. Betty rushes past confused people in the court building. She bursts through the court doors and makes a beeline for the parking lot.

She stops in her tracks at the sight in front of her. Betty cannot hold in the scream that escapes her mouth.

Jughead had just watched Betty race out of the court room. The whole court room looked around stunned at the scene that had just taken place.

He had no doubt in his mind that he should go after her. Alice Cooper rises to her feet. Jughead knows that she will only make Betty feel worse.

“Alice let Jughead go.” Hal Cooper says and Jughead gives him a thankful nod. Jughead quickly walks out of the courtroom. It is not his turn to testify for another hour.

He walks straight for the exit knowing that she all ready left.

He opens the door as he hears a loud scream. Betty!

Jughead runs as fast as he can towards the noise. Two boys lay on the ground, one with a knife in his knee. The other with a bloody face. Both are okay, just beaten up.

Betty in on the ground curled up into a ball. Her entire body is shaking. ”Betts.” He says softly. He crouches down to her hoping that she will look up from her knees.”I’m here. It’s okay Betts.”

“Blood, so much blood.” Jughead puts his arms around Betty. “Stay. Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere Betts.” She looks up at him as if he startled her. He notices that her hands are red from how tightly balled up they are. He takes one of his hands and place it in hers. She releases the other one and Jughead notices the bloody crescent marks in her palms.

“What- What the hell?” Jughead looks behind him to see half of the court room approaching the scene. Betty buries her face into Jughead’s chest.

“Help- We need help.” Betty says quietly and Jughead holds her tighter.

Jughead turns around.”Can somebody get them some help please?”

Kevin runs away from the crowd.

“Don’t shut your eyes.”

“What was that Betts?”

“Stay with me.” He froze as her words sounded all too familiar. He had just heard some of them on the screen in the court room. Betty presses her face into his chest. Her arms wrap tightly around him.

“Betty they are all right.” Jughead looks up at the guys one he recognizes as a serpent that he has seen speaking to his dad before and another one is Chuck Clayton’s friend Robby Matthews.

“We’re fine.” The serpent says wincing from the pain of the knife in his knee.

“Ya Betty we’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Robby tries to reassure her. She looks up from Jughead’s chest at the boys.

“See Betts they are okay. I am okay.” She looks up at him and he nods at her.”I am right here and I am okay. I promise. Let’s get out of here okay?” Betty nods wordlessly.

He picks her up off of the ground. She is still in shock and can barely stand. Jughead can see the huge crowd behind them with their cameras out, he needs to get her out of here.

“Trust me Betts?” She nods. He picks her up bridal style and carries her away from the scene. Betty clutches onto the collar of his jacket.

After a block he feels his shirt become damp. He puts Betty down.

“Please don’t cry.” Jughead is desperate to do anything to make her tears go away.

“Are they really okay?”

“Yes they just got into a stupid brawl. Both of them are going to be okay. Let’s go get a milkshake?” He suggests.

“Don’t you have to testify in an hour?”

“I've got something more important to do.” A smile escapes Betty’s pink lips and Jughead smiles back.

“You are not getting in trouble for me Jug.”

“I have a feeling that the hearing is going to be postponed after the commotion outside of the court house.”

Jughead opens Betty’s palms to reveal the nail marks that he had just discovered in the court house parking lot.

“Are you okay Betty?” Betty gives him a sad smile and he knows her answer. He kisses her palms. He realizes what he has done and pulls away from her.”I am sorry.” She smiles up at him and laughs.”What?” He asks her.

“Did you know that you’ve done that before?” Betty asks. It makes sense why he would get the courage to do something so intimate. He can't believe that he has done that before.

“Let’s go chat over milkshakes.” She grabs his hand as they walk hand in hand to Pop’s.

Jughead feels comfort at the familiar chime of the bells on the diner door.

“Whatever booth you want.” Betty leads them to a booth in the middle of the restaurant. She slips her jacket off not making eye contact. Her eyes are bloodshot red and she looks pale. She looks thinner.

“Betty when was the last time you ate?”

“I brought you guys breakfast this morning.”

“Yes and it was delicious thank you, but Betts are you eating?”

“You don’t have to pity me Jug-”

“Good afternoon you two. What can I get you?” Pop asks.

“Just a strawberry shake for me please.” Betty answers and Jughead is grateful that she is at least ordering a shake.

“The usual for you Jughead?”

“Of course.” Jughead answers. Pop disappears.

“I’ll eat the strawberry on my shake okay.” Betty agrees.

“Promise?”

“Would you believe me if I say yes?” He heard her underlying tone. She wanted to know if he still trusts her.

“Yes.” Some color returns to Betty’s face as her cheeks turn a tint of pink matching her lips.”Betty I’m-”

“Jughead.” He shuts his eyes in frustration at getting interrupted again.

Once he registers the voice his frustration goes away.

“JB?” Jughead turns around to see his little sister running towards him. He gets up from the booth waiting to receive his little sister’s hug, his mom trailing behind her slowly.”What are you doing here?”

He remembers Jelly Bean and his mom walking into the court room with Betty.

Jughead looks down at the booth to see that it is now empty with Betty’s milkshake sitting without the strawberry on top. Jughead looks over his sister’s shoulder to see Betty at the entrance. She smiles at Jughead as she pops the strawberry in her mouth.

Jughead hears the familiar chime at the door as Betty disappears.

“Betty came to Toledo this morning and convinced mom to let us come see your trial.” Jughead smiles. She is the guardian angel that he doesn’t deserve.

“You really like her don’t you Jug?” Jelly Bean asks.

“Do you guys want anything to eat?” Jughead asks avoiding the question.

“We aren’t staying long.” Jughead’s mom

“I’m hungry mom.”

“Okay Jelly Bean we can stay and eat.”

“You’re the best.” Jelly Bean gives their mom a hug.

“I need the restroom just order me a-”

“Turkey burger no tomatoes and a neapolitan shake.” Jughead recites his mother’s usual order.

“I’ll be right back.” As soon as their mom was out of sight Jelly Bean leaned forward.

“Jug you have to take me to dad.”

“That’s not a good idea JB.”

“Please? I haven’t seen him in two years. Please if we go quick we will have enough time before mom catches up.” Jughead sighs. He hasn’t even worked up the courage to visit him yet. His sister has no idea how bad off their dad has been the past few years. Jughead is glad that she hasn't seen him in his constant drunken state. When Jughead sees his sister's sad eyes, he knows that he can't say no to her.

“We have to go quick.”

Jughead pulls out his wallet and throws money down onto the counter.”Hold the burger Pop, I’ll be back later.” Jughead says on his way out.

“Jughead your change!”

“Just put it towards a future meal.”

Jughead and Jelly Bean run to the sheriff’s station hoping to buy some time before their mom storms in and takes Jelly Bean away.

Jughead knows that they won’t have to deal with Sheriff Keller because he is busy dealing with the fight that happened in front of the court house.

Jughead walks in and instantly recognizes one of the men as the officer that sat in his hospital room with him.

“Can we see my dad?”

“Sure. Good to see you're doing well Jughead.” Jughead smiles awkwardly as they follow him back to the cell block.

“You have a visitor FP.” FP sits up and his eyes are stunned.

“Hey dad.” Jughead says. FP’s eyes begin getting misty.

“Jughead? Jelly Bean?”

“Hi daddy.” Jelly Bean says shyly.

“What are you guys doing here? Where is your mother?”

“Probably on our heels, so we don’t have much time. This was Jelly Bean’s idea.”

“Right.”

“I miss you daddy.”

“I miss you too sweetheart. Both of you.” FP looks at Jughead hopefully.

“Betty said that you had stopped drinking and started working with Fred again.”

“Yes that’s right. How’s Betty.”

“She got mom and I to come here.” Jelly Bean says excitedly.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from that girl.”

“Forsythe, Forsythia.” Mrs. Jones come running into the cell block.

“Hello Gladys.” FP says with a smirk on his face. Gladys scowls at him.

“FP.” Gladys rolls her eyes as she says his name.”Jelly Bean get in the car we are leaving now. This was a mistake!”

“Mom-”

“This town is toxic. This,” Gladys references their current situation,”this is toxic. Say goodbye Jelly Bean we’re leaving.” Tears are streaming down Jelly Bean’s face and Jughead’s heart is breaking. This is de ja vu.

“Mom please don’t leave. Please?” Jughead begs.

“Let them go Jughead.” His father says.

“Like I am going to listen to the convict.” Jughead snaps at his dad.

He runs after his mom and sister. Jughead’s brain is flashing back and forth between the day his mom dragged a crying Jelly Bean away from him and this current moment.

“I love you Jughead.”

“I love you too JB.” Mrs. Jones slammed the car door shut and drove off quickly leaving Jughead in the dust.

“Hey Jughead.” Kevin Keller appears outside of the station.”Have you seen Betty?”

“We were just at Pop’s, but my mom and sister showed up and she slipped out. I don’t know where she went.”

“Nobody does. Alice has a man hunt going on all over town looking for the two of you. That’s why I am here.”

“She is not here. We were at Pop’s about fifteen minutes ago which means she couldn’t have gotten too far.”

Kevin and Jughead searched different spots around town, looking for Betty. They continuously ran into people looking for her. Betty has a lot of people that care about her.

Where would Betty go? When they were kids and Betty would want to escape from her parents, she would come over to Jughead’s and they would hang out, until she had to go home before curfew. They would sit and talk in his treehouse. Lightbulb.

“I think I know where she is Kevin.”

“Let’s go.”

Jughead and Kevin approach his old house located near the river.

“Why would Betty be here?”

“Not here.” They walk down the path getting close to the river. They come upon a hidden tree house. Jughead breathes a sigh of relief as he spots Betty sitting up in the old tree house.

“How did you know she would be here?” Kevin asks amazed.

“Intuition.”

“This is some soul mate shit.” Jughead looks at Kevin confused.

“Oh right, well it’s no secret you are madly in love with the girl.”

“I am not!” Jughead can’t even believe the lie that is coming out of his mouth.”Betty.” Jughead says her name softly.

“Juggie?” Betty peaks her head out of the treehouse. Kevin awkwardly waves.”Kev.”

“Can we come up?” Jughead asks.

“It’s your tree house Jug.”

"Not anymore, but we're coming up anyways." Jughead and Kevin climb up the wooden ladder.

“It’s my two favorite boys. What’s up?” Betty says in a casual tone. Jughead and Kevin look at each other unsure of what to say. Betty has pulled herself together and she looks unusually happy. Jughead cannot understand for the life of him how Betty can put on this act all of the time. He has been around her for long enough to see the cracks.

“There are a lot of people out looking for you right now Betts.” Betty rolls her eyes.

“I can’t go anywhere anymore. My mom is too much.”

“At least she cares.” Jughead jokes and she looks at the two boys sadly.

“Wow I am such a jerk complaining about my mom. Sorry guys,” Betty says referring to the fact that both boys have been abandoned by their mothers.

When Jughead’s mom left, Kevin had sat beside him one day in class. He told him about the day his mom left when he was five years old. Jughead had appreciated his raw honesty. He knew that Kevin was the only person that could ever understand what he was going through. The only times they did talk was because they were mutual friends of Betty. Betty is friends with everyone.

“Betty you have every reason to complain about her, your mom is bat shit crazy.”

“But she loves you.” Jughead adds in.

“Let’s go home before she puts out an amber alert.” Betty says annoyed.”Thanks boys for finding me before she does.”

The three walk back onto the residential road. Kevin and Betty begin talking about some pop culture reference that Jughead hasn’t heard of, but he smiles as he walks with his friends.

Suddenly a station wagon cuts them off in their path almost taking them out.”Get in the car Betty!”

“Oh my god Mom!”

“Get in now.”

“Okay okay.” Betty’s quickly hugs Kevin. She looks over at Jughead and gives him a hug. She lingers for a bit and he lets her. He enjoys it.”Thanks Juggie. I’m sorry.”

“Bet-”

Alice blares the horn and they jump.”Jesus christ mom I’m coming!”

Betty gets in the car and slams the door shut and then Alice Cooper speeds off fast than Mrs. Jones just did. The theme of the day is women speeding away from Jughead.

“Rude she didn’t even offer us a ride home.” Jughead looks over at Kevin wondering how he always thinks of jokes on the spot.

“I don’t remember you being funny.”

“You must have hit your head pretty hard then.” Jughead smiles. Finally somebody with a real sense of humor. He now understands why they are friends.”I miss Betty all ready. She would have totally hit my arm after I said that joke.” Jughead can totally picture the scenario in his head.”I can’t even bring up her name without you turning redder than Cheryl Blossom’s lipstick.”

“Shut up.”

______________________________________________________________________

Alice’s tires screeched as she pulled into the parking lot of the police station at a frightening speed. Alice pulls into a parking spot and slams on the brakes.

“Why are we here?”

“You are here to apologize for the stunt you just pulled in the court room.”

“You have always told me to stick up for myself. You wanted me to stand up to and never talk to Archie and Veronica again, so why is this any different?”

“You embarrassed yourself up there and your family.” The words stung. The last thing she wanted to do was embarrass her family. She is sick of her mother’s bullying.

“You do a good job of that yourself mom. I am not perfect! Our family is not perfect! You and dad had a baby at sixteen that you gave away. Then Polly got pregnant at sixteen. Forgive me for wanting to create my own path.”

“You are on the path of self destruction Elizabeth.”

“Why is nothing I ever do good enough for you mom?” Betty asks with a mixture of sadness and anger.

“We will discuss this at home.” Betty’s mom says as she looks around at their public surrounding.

“I am not going in there.” Betty stands her ground.

“Oh yes you are, I am your mother and you are a minor.”

“Well it’s a good thing I turn sixteen next week. Ya that’s right it’s my birthday, which I know you forgot about. Sixteen also happens to be the age that you can be legally emancipated at.” Alice laughs.

“Oh the teenage dramatics and threats. Good luck getting the state to clear that.”

“A mother puts her daughter who doesn’t suffer from ADD on Adderall and countless other prescriptions. A sister who just had babies with her third cousin. A father stole files from a murder case. My mentally unstable mother who threw a brick through the window of her own business at her husband.” Betty feels bad at how brutal she is being.”Oh I have a case mother and I am not messing around. I love you mom, but I am not your robot. You cannot control me!”

Betty turns on her heels.”Get back here young lady or I will send the cops after you this time.” Betty turns back around and crosses her arms.

“I will turn around if you take me straight home?”

“You are going straight to your room.”

“Yes, let the grounding commence.” Betty says annoyed. Actually being grounded doesn’t sound all that bad right now.

When Betty gets home she slams the passenger side door.

“Your room now Elizabeth!”

Betty obeys her mother as she runs up to her room.

She slams her door. Betty feels her entire body fill up with rage.

She examines her clean and perfectly girly room. Her mind is filling up with all of the ugliness of the past year. Finding out Polly had been put away in an insane asylum, Jason’s murder, Archie rejecting her, Her parents almost divorce, her habit of digging her nails into her palm, the hot tub incident with Chuck, finding Polly at the asylum, Jughead getting stabbed, and him forgetting her.

Chuck’s words played on repeat in her mind.”Seeing him forget you is just too sweet.” Her head is now being fogged by darkness.

She starts with throwing her mirror to the ground. She rips to L off of her wall followed by the o, v, and e. She rips all of her pictures off of her vanity.

She picks up anything she can find and throws it. She tears apart everything in her room from her dresser to her wallpaper.

Betty has no idea how long she has been throwing everything around for, but she continues as she keeps finding things to break.

She feels strong arms wrap around her waist that lift her off of the ground. She tries her best to fight off the arms.

“Get off of me!”

“No.” The voice responds. Betty’s brain is still fogged up. She is angry. She can never have him and she doesn’t want him around her like this.

“Go away! Go away now!” She warns.

“No Betty.” The voice is stern. Betty elbows him in the stomach.

“Ow fuck.” All of the darkness escapes from Betty’s brain as she realizes what she’s done. His grip loosens and Betty begins crying.

“I am so sorry Jug. I didn’t mean to.” He lets her down. She turns around to see him clutching his abdomen where his stab wound is.

“It’s okay Betty.”

“It’s not okay!” Betty notices Archie, Polly, Cheryl, and Veronica standing in her doorway terrified. Betty looks around at her trashed room.”Get out!” Betty yells in embarrassment.

“Betty we’re not going any-”

“Get the hell out!” Betty slams the door on them. She turns around rememrbing that Jughead is there.”You too!” He reaches for her hand and she rejects him.”I said get out!”

“Betty please?” He looks at her with pleading eyes. She is so broken.

“I don’t want you here. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Okay.” Jughead says defeated.

He heads for her door sadly. Normally Betty would never be this awful to him, but she is not in the right state of mind.

Jughead’s hand touches the door handle when he hesitates. Betty wishes he would just leave all ready.

He betrays her verbal wishes and turns back around.

“Jughead-”

Jughead wraps his toned arms around her.”I am leaving Betts I promise. You’re my best friend.” Friend, the word stung worse than when she got attacked by a bee hive that Archie had accidentally stepped on in the fourth grade.”Come get me when you’re ready.” He sweetly places a kiss on her forehead, something Jughead had only done when they were really little.

Betty puts her hand to her forehead to feel where Jughead had kissed her as he leaves her room.

He opens the door revealing Archie, Polly, Cheryl, and Veronica all staring at them in amusement.

“Betty asked for privacy, let’s respect it.” Jughead shuts the door behind him.

She examines the mess around and Betty collapses onto her bed exhausted. She is too tired to care about the consequences of her outburst.

Betty Cooper has finally lost it.

A/N: So she said she loved him, but then she had to add onto it!

Betty has finally lost it :(. Considering what these kids have been through by age 16 I am surprised they all don't snap. 

Next up: Betty's condition puts Jughead's quest to regain his memories on hold and the beginning of Betty's sixteenth birthday.

Also thanks everyone for voting for my next story, looks like Spring Break is the winner!